Issue 2
Eager student skips university day to attend class
Entire Geek Squad trampled in Black Friday rush at Best Buy
Medical report confirms that Amy Winehouse died of diabetes, public feels awkward
White guys with guitars take local open mic by storm
Student gains entire freshman fifteen over Thanksgiving
Issue 3
Kmart clerk uncertain whether Samuel L. Jackson actually wants to kill him or just acting
Pit Preacher just wants someone to love and hurl sexist epithets at
Obama sings Congress to sleep like a black Jigglypuff
Local band name only pretending to be edgy, unique
Gingrich surrenders, slithers back to dark, slimy hole
Jimmy Wales holds Wikipedia hostage, blackmails entire civilized world
Pregnant 17-year-old devastated she'll never be able to star on "16 and Pregnant"
Climate change: scientific phenomenon or global menopause?
Morgan Freeman typecast as "Morgan-Freeman type character"
Issue 4
Carrboro bulldozed to make space for world's biggest Whole Foods
UL librarians report casual late-night spooning epidemic
Obama starts wearing whiteface in new line of campaign ads, increases support among racists and mimes
Protesters sneak onto CVS property in dead of night to install sprinklers, repaint building
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