For nearly 20 years, Carrboro resident Sharon Sherman has suffered from some disease that you've never heard of. You can't tell by looking at her, but apparently she and a couple other thousand have to live with this weird disorder every day; in fact some percent of people will experience it at least once in their lifetime.
And now she wants you to notice.
Apparently she's pissed off that no one's ever paid attention to her horrific illness, so now she's making ribbons. She's making ribbons and she's going to go out and give them to everyone in town just so they'll know the name of the disease that she and some number of other people in the world suffer from--for millions of people would be saved every year if people were just more aware of their illness.
Sarah Spanky, a stuck-up girl with a rich daddy, weighed in. "Don't we already know enough diseases? Not even just the big ones either; we've got tons of those little insignificant diseases wedged into our memories too, because I'm sure that helps them get the medical attention they need. Do they get sicker if we don't wear the ribbons?"
"As a matter of fact, yes," says Dr. Hans Jorgenson of the Center for Disease Control. "In a statistical analysis there was a strong inverse relationship between ribbons worn for a specific disease and people killed by it."
People like Spanky are still skeptical. "Sherman isn't even telling people what the allegedly horrific disease does that's so horrifying. Even if it's one of the interesting diseases that puts water in your brain or makes your face look like a bird or Benjamin Button, people don't know because she 'doesn't feel comfortable talking about it.' In that case, why did she decide to make ribbons and raise awareness in the first place?"
Spanky added, "Just another fucking disease with another fucking ribbon. It makes me sick."
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
Point/Counter (Bounce Magazine Vol. 12 Issue 4 April 2012)
Point: Stop Stifling My Child
Lisa Baker
The modern American educational system disgusts me; you take the students and you shove the curriculum down their throats and kick them out the door. Education is supposed to be about fostering a love for learning and nurturing creativity but all you care about is test scores. Maybe if you'd take your head out of your ass for one second you'd see that kids don't like being limited or fenced in -- they want to be free to ask questions and engage their imaginations and learn what they want to learn. You take the gifted kids and you stuff them in a box with your standardized testing and your utilitarian conformity. You stifle -- no, you strangle them with your emphatic mediocrity.
Counter: Your Child is Dumb as Shit
Mr. Morrison
Wait one second -- just chill out, lady. You're Mrs. Baker, right? Trevor's mom? Oh I see, you're here about the math test. Look, Trevor didn't fail the ever-loving-holy-merciful-Jesus out of that test because he's an "individual." He failed because he's got the mental capacity of a sweaty dead sloth. If shoving curriculum down his throat would help him grasp basic fundamental concepts I'd do it, but the only way Trevor is ever going to learn the difference between multiplication and making poopy is if he suddenly grows a brain in that snotty bruised cranium of his. Hate to break it to you, Mrs. Baker, but Trevor is dumb as shit.
Lisa Baker
The modern American educational system disgusts me; you take the students and you shove the curriculum down their throats and kick them out the door. Education is supposed to be about fostering a love for learning and nurturing creativity but all you care about is test scores. Maybe if you'd take your head out of your ass for one second you'd see that kids don't like being limited or fenced in -- they want to be free to ask questions and engage their imaginations and learn what they want to learn. You take the gifted kids and you stuff them in a box with your standardized testing and your utilitarian conformity. You stifle -- no, you strangle them with your emphatic mediocrity.
Counter: Your Child is Dumb as Shit
Mr. Morrison
Wait one second -- just chill out, lady. You're Mrs. Baker, right? Trevor's mom? Oh I see, you're here about the math test. Look, Trevor didn't fail the ever-loving-holy-merciful-Jesus out of that test because he's an "individual." He failed because he's got the mental capacity of a sweaty dead sloth. If shoving curriculum down his throat would help him grasp basic fundamental concepts I'd do it, but the only way Trevor is ever going to learn the difference between multiplication and making poopy is if he suddenly grows a brain in that snotty bruised cranium of his. Hate to break it to you, Mrs. Baker, but Trevor is dumb as shit.
School Celebrates No Child Left Behind (Bounce Magazine Vol. 12 Issue 4 April 2012)
Crowded inner-city Washbrook High School celebrated the tenth anniversary of the No Child Left Behind Act Thursday afternoon in their school gymnasium. Festivities included two cheap cheese pizzas form a greasy local Domino's and a single purple hula hoop.
Principal Russell Stiffmuffin, dressed in dirty khakis and an ill-fitting wrinkled purple button-up, was quick to extol the virtues of the controversial education reform bill enacted in 2002.
"The standards and goals set by the bill have given us the push we desperately needed to pull ourselves up academically," Stiffmuffin said as he dodged a mass of screaming children looking for something to do in the tightly-packed gym. "Our funding has suffered a little bit but we're definitely motivated!"
The old gymnasium, smelling vaguely of urine and moldy chili, was packed nearly to the ceiling with what appeared to be a thousand shrieking, ostensibly celebrating children. "The fire marshals tend to look the other way most of the time," remarked Stiffmuffin, seemingly proud of the inhospitable and radically dangerous environment he was in charge of. "That's saved us a fortune on new classrooms."
"It helps that the kids tend to make their own games too; I like to think that the lack of school supplies and athletic equipment encourages creativity," said Stiffmuffin, deftly pulling apart a pair of vigorously biting sophomores before one poked the other in the eye with a broken ruler.
"In fact, I'm pretty sure our teachers work better without being weighed down by up-to-date textbooks or modern technology like printers," said Stiffmuffin. "Most of what they do is break up fights or clean up vomit anyway."
Washbrook High School has the worst record in the region for holding onto teachers, and many of the teachers who have stayed don't show up often or only come to hit on students. Only the latter type was in attendance at the anniversary celebration in the old musty gym.
"I would've brought a basketball from home for the kids, but the last one I brought caused 3 broken bones and a skull fracture within the first ten minutes," said Stiffmuffin. "Now I just leave all my things at home."
Principal Russell Stiffmuffin, dressed in dirty khakis and an ill-fitting wrinkled purple button-up, was quick to extol the virtues of the controversial education reform bill enacted in 2002.
"The standards and goals set by the bill have given us the push we desperately needed to pull ourselves up academically," Stiffmuffin said as he dodged a mass of screaming children looking for something to do in the tightly-packed gym. "Our funding has suffered a little bit but we're definitely motivated!"
The old gymnasium, smelling vaguely of urine and moldy chili, was packed nearly to the ceiling with what appeared to be a thousand shrieking, ostensibly celebrating children. "The fire marshals tend to look the other way most of the time," remarked Stiffmuffin, seemingly proud of the inhospitable and radically dangerous environment he was in charge of. "That's saved us a fortune on new classrooms."
"It helps that the kids tend to make their own games too; I like to think that the lack of school supplies and athletic equipment encourages creativity," said Stiffmuffin, deftly pulling apart a pair of vigorously biting sophomores before one poked the other in the eye with a broken ruler.
"In fact, I'm pretty sure our teachers work better without being weighed down by up-to-date textbooks or modern technology like printers," said Stiffmuffin. "Most of what they do is break up fights or clean up vomit anyway."
Washbrook High School has the worst record in the region for holding onto teachers, and many of the teachers who have stayed don't show up often or only come to hit on students. Only the latter type was in attendance at the anniversary celebration in the old musty gym.
"I would've brought a basketball from home for the kids, but the last one I brought caused 3 broken bones and a skull fracture within the first ten minutes," said Stiffmuffin. "Now I just leave all my things at home."
Woman Finds Image of Dawkins on Naan (Bounce Magazine Vol. 12 Issue 4 April 2012)
Indian woman
Ankita Pillai, 37, was shocked to discover a detailed imprint of Richard
Dawkins’ face in her flatbread at a meal with her extended family on a night in
late February. Inspired by this incredibly fortuitous random happenstance,
Pillai immediately devoted her life to spreading Dawkins’ teachings to all who would
deign to listen.
Dawkins,
firm proponent of evolutionary biology and outspoken atheist, was immediately
recognizable in the pattern of grains in Pillai’s naan by all who were even
remotely familiar with his face. Only
adding to the excitement, this was the first ever reported instance of the
passionate rationalist skeptic appearing on any kind of carbohydrate.
Pillai
immediately wrapped up the leavened flat bread to preserve it and prepared to
leave her tiny town of Sirkhazi for good.
Before setting out on her prophetic scientific pilgrimage, however, she
gave a stirring sermon on the millions of brilliant genetic processes that
created the sacred facial imprint.
She said
that all life evolves by the differential survival of replicating entities, and
then proceeded to pontificate on the glories of the endless generational
genetic replication that led to this graven image of Richard Dawkins, fervent
opponent of intelligent design and militant empiricist.
Then,
forsaking food or proper transport, Pillai began her journey on foot. With
plans to travel around India, spreading this fervor for realism and natural
selection throughout the land, she necessarily put aside the material trappings
and family binds that held her to home. Ascetically leaving the needs of her
body as an afterthought, she taught in village after village, subsisting on the
food and shelter provided for her by those who wished to hear her speak.
After
gathering a following of people from all around South India with her message of
evidence-based knowledge as a weapon against the potential evil of faith,
Pillai and her followers built a shrine to rationalism outside of the city of
Bangalore. Here they placed the moldy naan bearing Dawkin’s image, wrapping it
in saran wrap in order to preserve the monument to scientific reason for future
generations.
J.K. Rowling Decapitates Suzanne Collins (Bounce Magazine Vol. 12 Issue 4 April 2012)
Esteemed British author J. K. Rowling fought and killed fellow author Suzanne Collins last week in a crowded Boston train station, marking the end of a centuries-old battle between the two immortal and furiously headstrong women. Sources close to Rowling said that she was glad to be through with the brutal conflict, which necessarily ended with the Hunger Games' author's head thoroughly separated from her body.
Sean Connery, Scottish actor and self-proclaimed expert on this age-long war of nearly invincible feminist fantasy writers, came forward to explain this mystical phenomenon. He said that Rowling and Collins both belonged to an ancient race of immortal and independent women locked in eternal conflict.
Rowling, multimillionaire creator of the Harry Potter franchise, is 46 years old, according to British hospital records, but Connery's testimonial puts this documentation into question.
"From the dawn of time they came," said Connery, "moving silently down through the centuries, living many secret lives, struggling to reach the time of the Gathering, when the few who remain will battle to the last."
Connery said that Rowling and Collins, the last of their race, had been battling for a prize which, among other things, could've included an eternity of slavery and darkness had Collins won the duel. Now that Collins is dead, however, humanity is safe.
Rowling, back at home in Gloucestershire, appeared to be enjoying her hard fought prize of global telepathy, clairvoyance, and mortality. Eager to start another novel and begin living a normal life, Rowling basked in the glory of her victory over Collins.
"There can only be one," she sighed.
Sean Connery, Scottish actor and self-proclaimed expert on this age-long war of nearly invincible feminist fantasy writers, came forward to explain this mystical phenomenon. He said that Rowling and Collins both belonged to an ancient race of immortal and independent women locked in eternal conflict.
Rowling, multimillionaire creator of the Harry Potter franchise, is 46 years old, according to British hospital records, but Connery's testimonial puts this documentation into question.
"From the dawn of time they came," said Connery, "moving silently down through the centuries, living many secret lives, struggling to reach the time of the Gathering, when the few who remain will battle to the last."
Connery said that Rowling and Collins, the last of their race, had been battling for a prize which, among other things, could've included an eternity of slavery and darkness had Collins won the duel. Now that Collins is dead, however, humanity is safe.
Rowling, back at home in Gloucestershire, appeared to be enjoying her hard fought prize of global telepathy, clairvoyance, and mortality. Eager to start another novel and begin living a normal life, Rowling basked in the glory of her victory over Collins.
"There can only be one," she sighed.
Stand-Alone Headline Tickers (Bounce Magazine Vol. 12 2011-12)
Issue 2
Eager student skips university day to attend class
Entire Geek Squad trampled in Black Friday rush at Best Buy
Medical report confirms that Amy Winehouse died of diabetes, public feels awkward
White guys with guitars take local open mic by storm
Student gains entire freshman fifteen over Thanksgiving
Issue 3
Kmart clerk uncertain whether Samuel L. Jackson actually wants to kill him or just acting
Pit Preacher just wants someone to love and hurl sexist epithets at
Obama sings Congress to sleep like a black Jigglypuff
Local band name only pretending to be edgy, unique
Gingrich surrenders, slithers back to dark, slimy hole
Jimmy Wales holds Wikipedia hostage, blackmails entire civilized world
Pregnant 17-year-old devastated she'll never be able to star on "16 and Pregnant"
Climate change: scientific phenomenon or global menopause?
Morgan Freeman typecast as "Morgan-Freeman type character"
Issue 4
Carrboro bulldozed to make space for world's biggest Whole Foods
UL librarians report casual late-night spooning epidemic
Obama starts wearing whiteface in new line of campaign ads, increases support among racists and mimes
Protesters sneak onto CVS property in dead of night to install sprinklers, repaint building
Eager student skips university day to attend class
Entire Geek Squad trampled in Black Friday rush at Best Buy
Medical report confirms that Amy Winehouse died of diabetes, public feels awkward
White guys with guitars take local open mic by storm
Student gains entire freshman fifteen over Thanksgiving
Issue 3
Kmart clerk uncertain whether Samuel L. Jackson actually wants to kill him or just acting
Pit Preacher just wants someone to love and hurl sexist epithets at
Obama sings Congress to sleep like a black Jigglypuff
Local band name only pretending to be edgy, unique
Gingrich surrenders, slithers back to dark, slimy hole
Jimmy Wales holds Wikipedia hostage, blackmails entire civilized world
Pregnant 17-year-old devastated she'll never be able to star on "16 and Pregnant"
Climate change: scientific phenomenon or global menopause?
Morgan Freeman typecast as "Morgan-Freeman type character"
Issue 4
Carrboro bulldozed to make space for world's biggest Whole Foods
UL librarians report casual late-night spooning epidemic
Obama starts wearing whiteface in new line of campaign ads, increases support among racists and mimes
Protesters sneak onto CVS property in dead of night to install sprinklers, repaint building
Boob-man Pretends to Prefer Asses to Avoid Persecution (Bounce Magazine Vol. 12 Issue 4 April 2012)
David
Crinshaw is a 26-year-old man, and he is attracted to breasts. Breasts are what
he loves, what he thinks about, and what he pines for. He is a boob-man. But
since David was just 12 years old, he has had to hide who he really is to avoid
the pain of constant bullying and persecution from his peers.
It all
started in the locker room in 7th grade. As boys tend to do when
they go through this time of growth and bodily development, they talked about
girls; to be more specific, they talked about girl’s butts.
All of
David’s peers would go on and on in the locker room, ranting and raving about
those middle school female asses, but David realized pretty soon that he was different.
He never really seemed to feel the same way as the other kids did when they
talked about Mrs. Lancaster and the way her enormous posterior would tremble as
she turned to slowly chalk the parts of speech onto the board. He was always
preoccupied with her boobs.
David was
worried and confused, but he slowly realized that he definitely preferred
breasts. He considered telling his peers or his parents but he didn’t think
they’d understand. Little boys tend to reject and ostracize what they don’t understand
or whatever seems different than them, and David was deathly afraid of being
picked on—or worse.
David didn’t
completely repress this silent shame of his at first, however. He would often stay after school for an hour
in the afternoons and beg his parents to come get him, pretending he had missed the bus. This way he managed to avoid the inevitable
discussion of womanly behinds that took place in the back of the bus, but more
importantly, it allowed him to visit Mrs. Lancaster.
Straight to
Mrs. Lancaster’s room David would go, prepared with a silly question about a
sentence or a book report or just a random fact David had learned about sharks.
Here he would spend his afternoons staring across the desk at his teacher’s
breasts or peering up at her boobs as she helped him with homework. Here, David
felt at home.
On one
unfortunate afternoon, however, everything changed. It began like any other
afternoon with the kind and intelligent Maggie Lancaster, but then something
happened: Mrs. Lancaster dropped a paper on the floor and bent over to
pick it up. Unable to resist the urgently pubescent temptation, David reached
out and grabbed a boob.
Mrs.
Lancaster gasped and stood up in shock, but David heard another sound at the
door. It was a giggle of mischievous joy from his friend Seth, who had seen
the whole thing.
That was the
end of David’s afternoons with Mrs. Lancaster, but it was just the beginning of
the suffering and torment. For months afterward, all of the boys would taunt
him and laugh at him and call him names behind his back; he couldn’t even sit
down at the lunch table without one of his former friends making a remark about
how much David loves breasts.
David kept
silent and suffered through all the cruelty that middle school boys are capable
of: wedgies, insults, wet willies, and more. After that incident he put away that particular part of himself. He let the
other boys forget about him for a while, and then he returned with what the other
boys could only describe as a sudden fascination with asses.
He worked
hard for years to fit in and protect himself from bullies and teasing, but at
what cost? In repressing this integral part of himself, he constantly reminded
himself of his secret shame. Over time he became more and more ashamed of who
he really was, internalizing a bitter self-hatred that he is still fighting
today, even as he begins the long process of leaving the closet.
Second Coming of Jesus Thwarted by Intrauterine Device (Bounce Magazine Vol. 12 Issue 4 April 2012)
The messianic prophet Jesus Christ's long foretold return to Earth was ruined Saturday after his immaculately conceived holy embryo failed to implant itself in a Shoshone woman's uterus. Kimama Southfield, 27, was using an IUD for contraceptive purposes, which irritated the lining of her uterus and consequently sent the heavenly son of man back to his father, the eternal lord of Heaven and Earth.
Southfield, while briefly concerned by the tardiness of her period, was blissfully unaware of the Son of Man's aborted return to mankind. Having dismissed her encounter with divine messenger and spirit of truth Archangel Gabriel as a fevered dream hallucination, Southfield had no idea how close she came to bearing the only son of the one true God in her womb.
Disappointed by this tragic development, the almighty Father and progenitor of all lands and peoples tried to remain positive. "Jesus is a tough kid; he'll be all right," said the God of Israel. "Besides, I don't know if he was really looking forward to growing up as a poor Native American boy in Wyoming."
"Most people don't realize it," said the all-powerful Lord of all creation, "but we've been trying to send Jesus back to Earth for a while now. This isn't the first time that everyday mortal human activities have dramatically interfered with the most high God becoming incarnate in flesh and blood."
God, eternal judge and redeemer of the nations, initially avoided discussing specific instances for fear of embarrassing Jesus, but he eventually relented.
"To be honest, we've been trying to get Jesus born in the southern region of Africa for the past 50 years, but horrible prenatal care and AIDS have been giving us one hell of a time," said the infallible and immortal heavenly father before wincing and dropping a few denarii in his swear jar. "Apparently carrying the Son of Man in your womb doesn't guarantee you a good place in line for foreign aid deliveries."
The omnipresent King of all creation admitted that sometimes even circumstances outside of the mother and the divine gestation have screwed up the return of Christ. "Jesus was born in Romania at least once, but he starved to death in an orphanage before he could really get started. I think he was born as a little Chinese girl once too, but he got secretly shipped off to Europe," said the Lord of Hosts who created the world in seven days and led the armies of Israel to victory against all of their enemies. "Instead of doing what he came to do, Jesus lived for 27 years as a hairdresser in Prague; he couldn't really afford a trip back to China."
"And don't think we didn't try somewhere with better health care like America or Sweden. Jesus has been aborted 4 times in Chicago alone," said the God of Jehovah, also known as the king of kings and foundaiton of the cosmos. "If only I could just snap my fingers and somehow make certain that Jesus' arrival was unaffected by the simple mundane activities of individual humans."
"Oh well, I guess that's life," said God.
Southfield, while briefly concerned by the tardiness of her period, was blissfully unaware of the Son of Man's aborted return to mankind. Having dismissed her encounter with divine messenger and spirit of truth Archangel Gabriel as a fevered dream hallucination, Southfield had no idea how close she came to bearing the only son of the one true God in her womb.
Disappointed by this tragic development, the almighty Father and progenitor of all lands and peoples tried to remain positive. "Jesus is a tough kid; he'll be all right," said the God of Israel. "Besides, I don't know if he was really looking forward to growing up as a poor Native American boy in Wyoming."
"Most people don't realize it," said the all-powerful Lord of all creation, "but we've been trying to send Jesus back to Earth for a while now. This isn't the first time that everyday mortal human activities have dramatically interfered with the most high God becoming incarnate in flesh and blood."
God, eternal judge and redeemer of the nations, initially avoided discussing specific instances for fear of embarrassing Jesus, but he eventually relented.
"To be honest, we've been trying to get Jesus born in the southern region of Africa for the past 50 years, but horrible prenatal care and AIDS have been giving us one hell of a time," said the infallible and immortal heavenly father before wincing and dropping a few denarii in his swear jar. "Apparently carrying the Son of Man in your womb doesn't guarantee you a good place in line for foreign aid deliveries."
The omnipresent King of all creation admitted that sometimes even circumstances outside of the mother and the divine gestation have screwed up the return of Christ. "Jesus was born in Romania at least once, but he starved to death in an orphanage before he could really get started. I think he was born as a little Chinese girl once too, but he got secretly shipped off to Europe," said the Lord of Hosts who created the world in seven days and led the armies of Israel to victory against all of their enemies. "Instead of doing what he came to do, Jesus lived for 27 years as a hairdresser in Prague; he couldn't really afford a trip back to China."
"And don't think we didn't try somewhere with better health care like America or Sweden. Jesus has been aborted 4 times in Chicago alone," said the God of Jehovah, also known as the king of kings and foundaiton of the cosmos. "If only I could just snap my fingers and somehow make certain that Jesus' arrival was unaffected by the simple mundane activities of individual humans."
"Oh well, I guess that's life," said God.
Kyra Sedgwick Makes Time for Family, Eating Babies (Bounce Magazine Vol. 12 Issue 4 April 2012)
Kyra Sedgwick, star of television drama "The Closer," announced Tuesday that she would be putting her acting career on hold in order to slow down, reexamine her priorities, and eat some babies.
"I've been working so much lately," the actress said. "I just haven't had any time for my family or any of my hobbies, like woodwork and hungry infanticide."
Sedgwick, who played the insignificant female costar in The Game Plan with Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, looks forward to spending more time with husband Kevin Bacon, running in the park with dog Minnie, and devouring small children.
"I really miss that fresh air, and you can't really take it in when you've got all these commitments on your shoulders," Sedgwick explained. "And there's no better feeling than snapping a dead infant's soft neck open for some fresh marrow and knowing you don't have to be anywhere in the morning."
Sedgwick couldn't say how long the hiatus would last, but hopes to return soon.
"I'm excited to come back to work, but I want to be a part of my children's lives before their childhoods are over. For now I'm just going to focus on Travis and Suzie," Sedgwick said, "and digging through inner-city dumpsters for aborted fetuses and abandoned infants."
"I've been working so much lately," the actress said. "I just haven't had any time for my family or any of my hobbies, like woodwork and hungry infanticide."
Sedgwick, who played the insignificant female costar in The Game Plan with Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, looks forward to spending more time with husband Kevin Bacon, running in the park with dog Minnie, and devouring small children.
"I really miss that fresh air, and you can't really take it in when you've got all these commitments on your shoulders," Sedgwick explained. "And there's no better feeling than snapping a dead infant's soft neck open for some fresh marrow and knowing you don't have to be anywhere in the morning."
Sedgwick couldn't say how long the hiatus would last, but hopes to return soon.
"I'm excited to come back to work, but I want to be a part of my children's lives before their childhoods are over. For now I'm just going to focus on Travis and Suzie," Sedgwick said, "and digging through inner-city dumpsters for aborted fetuses and abandoned infants."
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
Bringing Religion and Secularism Together: The Divisive Nature of the Atheist Temple (Campus BluePrint Spring Online 2012)
Philosopher
and author Alain de Botton wants to bring religion to atheists, but don’t let
that confuse you--this is not the same thing as bringing atheists to religion.
In
his 2012 book Religion for Atheists, de
Botton suggests that people should not abandon the entire institution of
religion just because they happen to not believe in any of it. He thinks
atheists can still benefit from the particular worldviews and communal bonds
associated with religion. Now he is trying to convert that hypothesis into a
reality, although his methods are turning out to be quite controversial.
De
Botton has plans to build a “temple for atheists” in London, and he’s calling
for similar buildings to be constructed throughout Britain. The 46-meter-tall
black tower will be dedicated to the idea of perspective rather than to any
specific god or gods.It will function as the atheist version of a church or cathedral, de Botton said.
“Why should religious people have the most beautiful buildings in the land?” he
said.
Some say that atheists could only benefit from the charitable community that religion can create. Still, not everyone thinks the temple is a good idea.
Prominent
atheist Richard Dawkins criticized the construction plan, saying that the money
required to build the temple could be much better spent.
“If you are going to
spend money on atheism you could improve secular education and build
non-religious schools which teach rational, skeptical critical thinking,” Dawkins
said in an interview with The Christian Post.
Dawkins
has a point, but beyond simply stating that “atheists don’t need temples,” he
has not addressed de Botton’s underlying concerns. Whether or not the temple
would be a literally tremendous waste of money, it might be worthwhile to
consider what de Botton is trying to do.
De
Botton has said, “Religion puts you with people who have nothing in common except
that you’re human.”
It unites disparate individuals with communal bonds through
a shared belief or ideal. Religion is also known for promoting service and outreach. Religious groups often send members of their community out into the world to bring aid to those in need, fostering a sense of greater social unity in the world as a whole.
If
the money that was to be put towards the temple was used to fund regular
atheist “mission work” of this nature, de Botton’s detractors would be
hard pressed to find fault with it. This would provide the atheists involved
with the kind of religious experience de Botton advocates, and it would put the
money to good use in the world. These two results aren’t completely distinct
either.
The
community resulting from religious experience can be a powerfully positive
force in the world long after a funded service trip has finished. Religion, as an
institution that fosters communal unity, can be used as a powerful tool for
collective action.
It's debatable whether or not atheists need or desire this quasi-religious community, but de Botton at least believes such a need exists. At its core however, this controversy is a simple disagreement about what religion does and what people need on a basic level.
http://www.scribd.com/doc/86093312/Spring-Online-Issue-1
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