The future of the Dorothea Dix property in Raleigh -- the site of the former mental hospital -- has been the source of much aggressive debate in the General Assembly recently.
But the tone of the debate itself reveals a set of seriously scrambled priorities. No side fully respects the historical significance of the property or recognizes the needs of the mental health community.
Some legislators want all 300 acres of the property to be repurposed as a "destination park," while others think there should be space reserved for administrative offices or the property should be expanded.
Instead, the land should be returned to the Department of Health and Human Services and used for the good of the people who have been hurt the most and forgotten amidst the planning: the mentally ill of North Carolina.
When mental health advocate Dorothea Dix came to the state in 1848, the mental health care system was disorganized and defective. The government provided little effective assistance, and many of the mentally ill were in jails or out on the street. Dix brought this crisis to the attention of the General Assembly and worked tirelessly to bring about reform.
The first land was bought for the hospital in 1850, and the first patient was admitted in 1856. The hospital and its mission of care and service continued to expand over time until it reached its height in 1974. At that time, the property had 2,354 acres of land, including a farm and three lakes, and it was equipped to handle 2,756 patients.
All of the land was operated with the interests of the mental health community in mind, and the patients' recovery and well-being were the end goals.
The land has been slowly sold away since the '70s, and the hospital shut down for good last year. It would be acceptable if this simply represented a decentralization of mental health services and a carewful shift away from institutional care -- but mental health care in the state is tragically underfunded, and Dix's impact seems to be fading.
In 2010, the public mental health system only served 34 percent of adults with serious mental illnesses in North Carolina, according to the National Alliance on Mental Illness, and it can only have gotten worse since then. The new state budget proposals would cut even more funds from an already struggling system.
To use the historic property as a tourist attraction is to fundamentally disrespect Dorothea Dix's career as a passionate reformer, teacher and humanitarian. The land, or at least the few hundred acres left, should be returned to those we can trust to uphold her legacy.
http://www.dailytarheel.com/article/2013/05/51a54225c3e19
Thursday, May 30, 2013
Quick Hits / Daily Dose (Daily Tar Heel Opinion)
Golden age of film
"Fast & Furious 6" and "The Hangover 3" led box offices to a record-breaking Memorial Day weekend. So the theater industry is alive, but real film is dead? We'll call this record a fluke, because I refuse to believe the Fast & Furious franchise is capable of breaking anything besides clunky set pieces and immutable laws of physics.
Swedish unrest
Trouble in paradise this week, as six days of fierce rioting have seen protest, rampant vandalism and burning police cars in the suburbs of Stockholm, capital of one of the happiest countries in the world. Some attribute the unrest to immigration, but most blame rising socioeconomic inequality. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
New developments
Popular comedy series Arrested Development returned from the grave Sunday with new episodes on Netflix. So grab some bananas, cornballs and martinis and go celebrate the renewed stream of losing, schmoozing and boozing with Jason Bateman and company. Because Steve Holt, that's why. LOL Netflix.
UFO irony
An American drone was reportedly shot down Tuesday by al-Qaida operatives in Somalia. Needless to say, we'll stop at nothing to rescue the brave unmanned aerial vehicle. We cannot rest while our flying assault robot is at their mercy. Just think what inhuman atrocities they could commit with...oh. I've made a huge mistake.
Ordering up a dolphin delivery
Looking for a hip new trend to latch onto for the birth of your first child? Midwives and bathtubs just not doing it for you? Forget natural -- think maritime. One North Carolina couple is going all the way to Hawaii to have their baby while swimming with dolphins in a tank.
The couple say they want to rebuild human relationships with dolphins so the two species can more peacefully coexist. But they might need to make it clear up front exactly what sort of relationship they're looking for with the dolphins -- it might be more mammal than they can handle.
Experts say a male dolphin can be extremely aggressive and violent without provocation. We just hope he's licensed.
NOTED.
A couple in Pennsylvania stabbed each other after arguing about the American Idol finale a few weeks ago.
So not only are all the judges fired, but the last two Idol fans attempt some weird group suicide. Luckily they survived, so they'll be back to see next season. You're not getting away that easy, Seacrest.
"Fast & Furious 6" and "The Hangover 3" led box offices to a record-breaking Memorial Day weekend. So the theater industry is alive, but real film is dead? We'll call this record a fluke, because I refuse to believe the Fast & Furious franchise is capable of breaking anything besides clunky set pieces and immutable laws of physics.
Swedish unrest
Trouble in paradise this week, as six days of fierce rioting have seen protest, rampant vandalism and burning police cars in the suburbs of Stockholm, capital of one of the happiest countries in the world. Some attribute the unrest to immigration, but most blame rising socioeconomic inequality. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
New developments
Popular comedy series Arrested Development returned from the grave Sunday with new episodes on Netflix. So grab some bananas, cornballs and martinis and go celebrate the renewed stream of losing, schmoozing and boozing with Jason Bateman and company. Because Steve Holt, that's why. LOL Netflix.
UFO irony
An American drone was reportedly shot down Tuesday by al-Qaida operatives in Somalia. Needless to say, we'll stop at nothing to rescue the brave unmanned aerial vehicle. We cannot rest while our flying assault robot is at their mercy. Just think what inhuman atrocities they could commit with...oh. I've made a huge mistake.
Ordering up a dolphin delivery
Looking for a hip new trend to latch onto for the birth of your first child? Midwives and bathtubs just not doing it for you? Forget natural -- think maritime. One North Carolina couple is going all the way to Hawaii to have their baby while swimming with dolphins in a tank.
The couple say they want to rebuild human relationships with dolphins so the two species can more peacefully coexist. But they might need to make it clear up front exactly what sort of relationship they're looking for with the dolphins -- it might be more mammal than they can handle.
Experts say a male dolphin can be extremely aggressive and violent without provocation. We just hope he's licensed.
NOTED.
A couple in Pennsylvania stabbed each other after arguing about the American Idol finale a few weeks ago.
So not only are all the judges fired, but the last two Idol fans attempt some weird group suicide. Luckily they survived, so they'll be back to see next season. You're not getting away that easy, Seacrest.
Friday, May 24, 2013
Ritter Plays Cat's for the Crowd (Chapelboro concert review)
Josh Ritter is constantly in awe. His face lights up with joy and surprise every time he can tell the audience knows his lyrics. A clever guitar lick or a well-timed entrance for the synthesized organ coming from the keyboards seems to catch Josh off guard, as if another musician, an old friend, had just appeared on stage to make a guest appearance. And every time Josh comes out on stage, he grins in wide-eyed disbelief, somehow shocked that the audience is still there—and to see him.
Before a sold-out crowd last week at Cat's Cradle, Josh Ritter & the Royal City Band gleefully commandeered the stage and lighting system. Josh smiles and squints so hard his eyes might as well be closed, and he stays that way throughout the set. He smiles so hard sometimes he mixes up his own lyrics, and more often than not he abandons the carefully building dynamics of his master tracks in favor of bounding radiantly through each song without a care in the world.
One would be hard-pressed to find anyone who so obviously and visibly enjoys anything they do as much as Josh enjoys doing what he does. He thanks the crowd repeatedly, and he seems sincerely grateful just for their presence and their engagement. He dispels any notion of a simple, one-sided relationship between artist and audience—it's clear that the audience is not the sole beneficiary of this cultural and economic transaction.
The performance is like a conversation; Josh hopes and expects the audience to be active participants. And they are, cheering, clapping and singing along as Josh runs through his catalog of pensive, sometimes heart-wrenching Americana.
And even as Josh's smile continues, the overall tone of the show gets darker. Josh plays several songs from his newest album, "The Beast in its Tracks," which he wrote in a long, depressive period after his divorce. The energy is different—more reflective, even spiteful—and Ritter reinterprets some of his older songs to tie them into his life now. He brings the audience into his life by making his whole set a story about his struggle with the divorce. The songs go from spite, anger, and talks of a "new lover" to misery and regret to hope and optimism. With precisely organized instrumentals, elaborate, gentle wordplay, and Josh's unwavering enthusiasm, he carries the audience with him into the depths of hate and depression, and then back up to the forward-thinking positivity of hope.
Ritter certainly leaves his audience wanting more, though you can't help but wonder if he walks away just as fulfilled.
http://chapelboro.com/lifestyle/arts-entertainment/ritter-plays-cats-for-the-crowd/
Before a sold-out crowd last week at Cat's Cradle, Josh Ritter & the Royal City Band gleefully commandeered the stage and lighting system. Josh smiles and squints so hard his eyes might as well be closed, and he stays that way throughout the set. He smiles so hard sometimes he mixes up his own lyrics, and more often than not he abandons the carefully building dynamics of his master tracks in favor of bounding radiantly through each song without a care in the world.
One would be hard-pressed to find anyone who so obviously and visibly enjoys anything they do as much as Josh enjoys doing what he does. He thanks the crowd repeatedly, and he seems sincerely grateful just for their presence and their engagement. He dispels any notion of a simple, one-sided relationship between artist and audience—it's clear that the audience is not the sole beneficiary of this cultural and economic transaction.
The performance is like a conversation; Josh hopes and expects the audience to be active participants. And they are, cheering, clapping and singing along as Josh runs through his catalog of pensive, sometimes heart-wrenching Americana.
And even as Josh's smile continues, the overall tone of the show gets darker. Josh plays several songs from his newest album, "The Beast in its Tracks," which he wrote in a long, depressive period after his divorce. The energy is different—more reflective, even spiteful—and Ritter reinterprets some of his older songs to tie them into his life now. He brings the audience into his life by making his whole set a story about his struggle with the divorce. The songs go from spite, anger, and talks of a "new lover" to misery and regret to hope and optimism. With precisely organized instrumentals, elaborate, gentle wordplay, and Josh's unwavering enthusiasm, he carries the audience with him into the depths of hate and depression, and then back up to the forward-thinking positivity of hope.
Ritter certainly leaves his audience wanting more, though you can't help but wonder if he walks away just as fulfilled.
http://chapelboro.com/lifestyle/arts-entertainment/ritter-plays-cats-for-the-crowd/
Thursday, May 23, 2013
Self-conscious activism: General Assembly protestors should focus on the issues. (Daily Tar Heel Editorial)
The Moral Monday protests organized by the NAACP in Raleigh have entered their fourth week, and despite rising arrest rates, they show no signs of slowing.
The protests have been successful in getting the attention of legislators and other state residents, but activists need to plan and employ a wide range of tactics if they hope to build a lasting movement or bring about real change in the policies of the General Assembly. They must also be wary of unintentionally harming their cause as they proceed with existing tactics.
Vocal protestors and direct civil disobedience are effective for drawing press coverage, but aggressive protests and arrests can be alienating to the uninformed public.
The protestors have so far remained sympathetic and have not let their passion for reform inadvertently tarnish their image. But this is an ongoing concern. It will become even more difficult if protests continue without obvious results.
Activists need to be committed, but they can't let their anger get the better of them. The focus should always be on the issues — the harmful policies themselves.
The protestors should remain civil and rational to everyone they encounter, even the police officers who make the arrests. They should avoid actions which might give others license to demonize them or write them off as irrational radicals.
Focusing exclusively on the issues also keeps the movement from engaging too obviously with the rampant partisanship that defines the current political climate. The movement's primary goal should be to appeal to the people and tell them why their concerns affect everyone in North Carolina. Party lines alone should not be enough to stop them from reaching any particular segment of the population.
Loud demonstrations in Raleigh will not be enough to full achieve this goal. Press coverage will quickly fade if tactics begin to get old.
The N.C. Student Power Union plans to run weekend programs this summer to educate and equip potential activists throughout the state. This is a step in the right direction, but it's just a start.
Student Power and the NAACP should take advantage of the movement's energy now and prepare for the future. Their emphasis should be on spurring local involvement throughout the state and decentralizing the push for reform.
The movement should not be centered or dependent on specific leaders or protests, but on the people at large and the issues that affect them.
http://www.dailytarheel.com/article/2013/05/519d261011860
Quick Hits (Daily Tar Heel Opinion Page)
Times are a-changin'
Young stars at Sunday's Billboard Awards like Justin Bieber and Miley Cyrus got hassled for their megalomaniacal arrogance and ridiculous costumes, but Prince and Madonna took the stage with no controversy. Does this mean the old pros have finally passed the crazy-torch to the next generation of self-obsessed psychopaths?
Wiretap 'this'
The Department of Justice secretly acquired two months of phone records from the Associated Press last year, and now the entirety of journalism is pissed. It might not seem like a big deal, but to us it's as if they just murdered our sacred calf and took a year to tell us. We take privacy seriously — whenever we're not invading yours.
Tighten that belt
The N.C. Senate released its budget proposal for the next year on Sunday. We don't have to read that closely to know it's not going to be good for us. But what nonessential corners are left to cut? How high can CCI prices go before the people say, "enough"? Pretty soon we'll have to go all the way to Franklin for free toilet paper.
Snapchat?
All in all it's been a pretty tragic and horrible week for North Carolina, America and humanity. But on the bright side we've finally discovered the dazzlingly brilliant revolution in 21st century communication that is Snapchat. Expect all depressing news in the future to be delivered with a goofy sad face or a photo of our cat.
Young stars at Sunday's Billboard Awards like Justin Bieber and Miley Cyrus got hassled for their megalomaniacal arrogance and ridiculous costumes, but Prince and Madonna took the stage with no controversy. Does this mean the old pros have finally passed the crazy-torch to the next generation of self-obsessed psychopaths?
Wiretap 'this'
The Department of Justice secretly acquired two months of phone records from the Associated Press last year, and now the entirety of journalism is pissed. It might not seem like a big deal, but to us it's as if they just murdered our sacred calf and took a year to tell us. We take privacy seriously — whenever we're not invading yours.
Tighten that belt
The N.C. Senate released its budget proposal for the next year on Sunday. We don't have to read that closely to know it's not going to be good for us. But what nonessential corners are left to cut? How high can CCI prices go before the people say, "enough"? Pretty soon we'll have to go all the way to Franklin for free toilet paper.
Snapchat?
All in all it's been a pretty tragic and horrible week for North Carolina, America and humanity. But on the bright side we've finally discovered the dazzlingly brilliant revolution in 21st century communication that is Snapchat. Expect all depressing news in the future to be delivered with a goofy sad face or a photo of our cat.
Friday, May 17, 2013
Leadership Beach Retreat (The Bell Tower, LCM newsletter May 2013)
I can't imagine a better way to end a long, stressful academic year than with a relaxing couple of days at the beach with my friends in LCM. After dozens of pages of essays and a few exams, all I wanted to do was lie on the beach and read and nap -- and the moment I got to the beach, that's exactly what I did.
Of course I can't manage to be on the beach for more than three hours without getting some odd kind of splotchy sunburn. And everyone knows the beaches of North Carolina somehow stay freezing cold until Memorial Day Weekend, when the wind magically dies down and the temperature of the water jumps 10 degrees. So spending all day on the beach isn't all it's cracked up to be. It's hard to throw a Frisbee straight when it feels like God himself is trying to cool you down like a bowl of soup, and swimming is a challenge if you can't stop shivering violently until your legs have started to numb.
Luckily, lying around and attempting to throw things in the wind were not the only things we did on the beach retreat. Actually, they weren't even the most significant part of the few days we spent there in Sunset Beach. Most of the time was spent talking about LCM and our plans for next year. We talked through the schedule of the whole first semester and got excited about all we have to do in the next year.
But arguably even more important than that was the time we simply spent as a group: walking, singing, playing, eating, and enjoying one another's company. We got to recover from the stress and exhaustion of the school year by resting and working with our good friends in LCM, and there's no better way we could've done it. And at the same time, it was a chance to say farewell to all those who we won't see until August -- every event and impromptu meeting from exam time to graduation seems to turn into some kind of goodbye. And even when we're sad about the faces we're not going to see in the fall, we know the next year is going to be great, and that LCM will continue to be strong.
http://www.holytrinitychapelhill.org/belltower.pdf
Of course I can't manage to be on the beach for more than three hours without getting some odd kind of splotchy sunburn. And everyone knows the beaches of North Carolina somehow stay freezing cold until Memorial Day Weekend, when the wind magically dies down and the temperature of the water jumps 10 degrees. So spending all day on the beach isn't all it's cracked up to be. It's hard to throw a Frisbee straight when it feels like God himself is trying to cool you down like a bowl of soup, and swimming is a challenge if you can't stop shivering violently until your legs have started to numb.
Luckily, lying around and attempting to throw things in the wind were not the only things we did on the beach retreat. Actually, they weren't even the most significant part of the few days we spent there in Sunset Beach. Most of the time was spent talking about LCM and our plans for next year. We talked through the schedule of the whole first semester and got excited about all we have to do in the next year.
But arguably even more important than that was the time we simply spent as a group: walking, singing, playing, eating, and enjoying one another's company. We got to recover from the stress and exhaustion of the school year by resting and working with our good friends in LCM, and there's no better way we could've done it. And at the same time, it was a chance to say farewell to all those who we won't see until August -- every event and impromptu meeting from exam time to graduation seems to turn into some kind of goodbye. And even when we're sad about the faces we're not going to see in the fall, we know the next year is going to be great, and that LCM will continue to be strong.
http://www.holytrinitychapelhill.org/belltower.pdf
Thursday, May 16, 2013
Get rolling on reform: Sexual assault task force must fight for students' welfare. (Daily Tar Heel editorial)
University officials put together May 1 a 21-member task force to "review and enhance its policies and procedures for handling student-on-student complaints of harassment, sexual misconduct or discrimination."
The task force has been given a unique opportunity for reform, and with that comes a serious responsibility. Its members have an obligation to take the lead in calling for an overhaul in the way UNC handles complaints of sexual assault.
Their deliberations should be public. They should consider not just tweaks and minor modifications to University policy but comprehensive change.
With their influence, they could initiate a shift in policy to treat rape as the violent crime it is -- not as something to be tried and adjudicated only in an academic setting.
Current policies allow victims to pursue legal action in the criminal justice system at the same time as the academic system, but they are treated as distinct and separate processes. Universities should encourage students to involve themselves in both processes -- not substitute their own gentle, academic justice for the real thing.
The task force's opportunity is unique in that it is not constrained by politics. Its membership includes a wide range of voices and perspectives -- including faculty, community members, students, administrators and even law enforcement officials -- and many members have experience working directly with sexual assault issues.
Their independence and expertise give them authority, and they should use that to its maximum potential.
While issues will be inevitably contentious and complex, some should require very little debate. The force is joining an ongoing discussion -- not starting from scratch. There is no reason to wait long to make official recommendations about issues like increased education on sexual assault.
Even the most thoughtful and intense debate about the complexity of these issues does nothing to create change without an active, public element.
This is why the task force should carry on its conversation publicly as well. The various sectors it represents can inform and drive the public debate -- if it's allowed to. The Campus Conversation website set up by the University could be adapted easily for this purpose.
The task force has a chance to play an influential role in bringing about reform, and it should take advantage of this opportunity. It should speak as a unified whole, challenging the University to make holistic protection for all students its top priority.
http://www.dailytarheel.com/article/2013/05/5194142cd733b
The task force has been given a unique opportunity for reform, and with that comes a serious responsibility. Its members have an obligation to take the lead in calling for an overhaul in the way UNC handles complaints of sexual assault.
Their deliberations should be public. They should consider not just tweaks and minor modifications to University policy but comprehensive change.
With their influence, they could initiate a shift in policy to treat rape as the violent crime it is -- not as something to be tried and adjudicated only in an academic setting.
Current policies allow victims to pursue legal action in the criminal justice system at the same time as the academic system, but they are treated as distinct and separate processes. Universities should encourage students to involve themselves in both processes -- not substitute their own gentle, academic justice for the real thing.
The task force's opportunity is unique in that it is not constrained by politics. Its membership includes a wide range of voices and perspectives -- including faculty, community members, students, administrators and even law enforcement officials -- and many members have experience working directly with sexual assault issues.
Their independence and expertise give them authority, and they should use that to its maximum potential.
While issues will be inevitably contentious and complex, some should require very little debate. The force is joining an ongoing discussion -- not starting from scratch. There is no reason to wait long to make official recommendations about issues like increased education on sexual assault.
Even the most thoughtful and intense debate about the complexity of these issues does nothing to create change without an active, public element.
This is why the task force should carry on its conversation publicly as well. The various sectors it represents can inform and drive the public debate -- if it's allowed to. The Campus Conversation website set up by the University could be adapted easily for this purpose.
The task force has a chance to play an influential role in bringing about reform, and it should take advantage of this opportunity. It should speak as a unified whole, challenging the University to make holistic protection for all students its top priority.
http://www.dailytarheel.com/article/2013/05/5194142cd733b
Quick Hits (Daily Tar Heel Opinion Page)
IRS targets Tea Party
Apparently the IRS only moved to spying on Facebook walls when they got tired of scrutinizing random conservative organizations -- the auditors' evil truly knows no bounds. Talk about an upset in the hierarchy of villainy -- it's going to be one interesting season for evil. Adjust your sinister brackets accordingly.
Bible bashing
A 57-year-old woman in Kings Mountain, N.C. reportedly beat another woman with a Bible. It was a grievous bout of battling with the Good Book, but at least she didn't think to whip out the Bible Belt. And wait, she wasn't being cruel, she was just touting tradition! But seriously though, the other lady was hurt pretty bad.
Gatsby was great
The film remake of F. Scott Fitzgerald's classic scored big at the box office this weekend, meaning two things: Fitzgerald's revealingly sultry portrait of the American '20s is truly a masterwork, and Leonardo DiCaprio has completed his domination of my childhood. All is contaminated; I think he might be in my head; none of it was real.
A farewell to Wiggins
So we lost one of the most sought-after high school recruits in years, so what? It's nothing we can't come back from. And really, it's all just hype. We're not a school to go for stuff just because it's popular, and we've never been much for mainstream fads like good forwards or making foul shots. Ah screw it I'm going to go drink.
Apparently the IRS only moved to spying on Facebook walls when they got tired of scrutinizing random conservative organizations -- the auditors' evil truly knows no bounds. Talk about an upset in the hierarchy of villainy -- it's going to be one interesting season for evil. Adjust your sinister brackets accordingly.
Bible bashing
A 57-year-old woman in Kings Mountain, N.C. reportedly beat another woman with a Bible. It was a grievous bout of battling with the Good Book, but at least she didn't think to whip out the Bible Belt. And wait, she wasn't being cruel, she was just touting tradition! But seriously though, the other lady was hurt pretty bad.
Gatsby was great
The film remake of F. Scott Fitzgerald's classic scored big at the box office this weekend, meaning two things: Fitzgerald's revealingly sultry portrait of the American '20s is truly a masterwork, and Leonardo DiCaprio has completed his domination of my childhood. All is contaminated; I think he might be in my head; none of it was real.
A farewell to Wiggins
So we lost one of the most sought-after high school recruits in years, so what? It's nothing we can't come back from. And really, it's all just hype. We're not a school to go for stuff just because it's popular, and we've never been much for mainstream fads like good forwards or making foul shots. Ah screw it I'm going to go drink.
Thursday, May 2, 2013
Man Passes on FB Status, Saves Soul (Bounce Magazine Vol. 13 Issue 4 May 2013)
Edgar Burrman, 15, saved his eternal soul from hellfire and damnation Tuesday night when he "shared" an ominous Facebook status about headless little girls and steak cleavers at midnight.
"It was a little hard to believe at first," Burrman said. "I thought it was just a story, and I'd almost gotten bored and moved on when it started saying in all caps that I couldn't stop reading -- almost like it was there in the room with me -- watching me.
"Spooky, but peaceful at the same time," he said. "Thank God I kept reading; who knows how long I would've selfishly wandered through Facebook without any concern for the health of my spirit?"
The divinely inspired status threatened an anguished life of torment in Hell if it were not passed on, and Burrman decided it would be haughty to pass up such an excellent opportunity to absolve himself of his grievous bodily sins.
"The actual status said 'EMAIL THIS STORY TO 10 FRIENDS,' but I just attributed that to an outdated translation," he said. "With sacred texts like that, you've got to remember they've been around for a long time."
Burrman said he felt incredibly blessed to have encountered the good news so randomly. "What if I had gone to bed hours earlier, like my mom wanted me to? I really owe my salvation to George Takei -- if I hadn't been on his page right then, and if Joseph Cowell hadn't posted just before I got there -- it's terrifying to think how close I came to missing it."
The status promised Burrman an eternity of grace and happiness in the afterlife, as well as a kiss with his crush the following Tuesday. Burrman said he felt like he'd been born again. "I have so much to look forward to now!"
Burrman said his new mission is to spread the word to everyone he can. At press time, many of his peers had already passed on the status, and a vehement debate concerning the interpretation of the text was underway on Burrman's wall.
"It was a little hard to believe at first," Burrman said. "I thought it was just a story, and I'd almost gotten bored and moved on when it started saying in all caps that I couldn't stop reading -- almost like it was there in the room with me -- watching me.
"Spooky, but peaceful at the same time," he said. "Thank God I kept reading; who knows how long I would've selfishly wandered through Facebook without any concern for the health of my spirit?"
The divinely inspired status threatened an anguished life of torment in Hell if it were not passed on, and Burrman decided it would be haughty to pass up such an excellent opportunity to absolve himself of his grievous bodily sins.
"The actual status said 'EMAIL THIS STORY TO 10 FRIENDS,' but I just attributed that to an outdated translation," he said. "With sacred texts like that, you've got to remember they've been around for a long time."
Burrman said he felt incredibly blessed to have encountered the good news so randomly. "What if I had gone to bed hours earlier, like my mom wanted me to? I really owe my salvation to George Takei -- if I hadn't been on his page right then, and if Joseph Cowell hadn't posted just before I got there -- it's terrifying to think how close I came to missing it."
The status promised Burrman an eternity of grace and happiness in the afterlife, as well as a kiss with his crush the following Tuesday. Burrman said he felt like he'd been born again. "I have so much to look forward to now!"
Burrman said his new mission is to spread the word to everyone he can. At press time, many of his peers had already passed on the status, and a vehement debate concerning the interpretation of the text was underway on Burrman's wall.
Stand-alone headline tickers (Bounce Magazine Vol. 13 Issue 4 May 2013)
Polar bears and beach houses finally speak out about global warming
In North Korea, human rights violate you!
Zero Dark Thirty cuts off halfway through, terrorists win
In North Korea, human rights violate you!
Zero Dark Thirty cuts off halfway through, terrorists win
Holden Thorp Must Be Traveling On Now (Bounce Magazine Vol.13 Issue 4 May 2013)
Holden climbs slowly out of bed, gently folding the Carolina blue sheets behind him and doing his best not to wake us. We were already awake, and now we look up to catch his gaze, questioning him with our eyes.
"I must be traveling on now," Holden says, breaking the eye contact; he looks away, ashamed, his eyes searching for something to fix on that won't make him so uncomfortable. They settle on the poster of the periodic table of elements that stretches across the wall behind the bed. "There's too many places I got to see," he says. A weak attempt at justification; he continues to stare plaintively at the atomic numbers on the walls. We search his eyes for tears.
He can tell we haven't accepted his reasoning -- our eyes don't let him leave. He gathers new strength and tries to look at us, pain showing in the attempt. "But if I stayed here with you, girl," he begins, faltering and looking away again, then again finding energy enough to continue. "Things just couldn't be the same."
We nod. It's been a struggle. We understand what he says and why he says it, but we know there's more. We sit up in bed, still glaring at him expectantly.
"Please don't take it so badly," Holden spills out nervously, anxious to escape and free himself from our demanding vision. "Cause the Lord knows I'm to blame," he says, admitting fault and slipping back into the southern drawl he tried so hard to hide in his interviews at Washington. He realizes what he just did -- he remembers his home, North Carolina, and he panics.
"I'm as free as a bird now," Holden says defensively, raising his voice a little, but leaving us unimpressed.
"And this bird," he says, gesturing aggressively, trying in vain to make it just another impersonal speech, detaching himself like a speaker before an auditorium full of incoming freshmen. "This bird -- you cannot change," he insists, thinking it'll be true if he says it with enough confidence.
"Lord knows I can't change," he whispers under his breath. He's lost -- he's been defeated. He knows he's wrong, and there's nothing left to be said. "Bye bye baby," he says lamely, looking up at us for one last time. "It's been a sweet love." We shut our eyes and wait for him to leave. He steps slowly toward the door, and we very carefully open our eyes a tiny bit, just enough to watch him as he sets down his Tar Heel baseball cap on the way out -- we knew he wouldn't keep it.
We roll over, secretly hoping he's left his electric bass so we can wreck it. Sad for one moment, then angry, then the emotion passes. We'll be all right, but we''ll be damned if he gets off scot-free. He better pay child support for this scandal baby he's stuck in our collective collegiate womb.
"I must be traveling on now," Holden says, breaking the eye contact; he looks away, ashamed, his eyes searching for something to fix on that won't make him so uncomfortable. They settle on the poster of the periodic table of elements that stretches across the wall behind the bed. "There's too many places I got to see," he says. A weak attempt at justification; he continues to stare plaintively at the atomic numbers on the walls. We search his eyes for tears.
He can tell we haven't accepted his reasoning -- our eyes don't let him leave. He gathers new strength and tries to look at us, pain showing in the attempt. "But if I stayed here with you, girl," he begins, faltering and looking away again, then again finding energy enough to continue. "Things just couldn't be the same."
We nod. It's been a struggle. We understand what he says and why he says it, but we know there's more. We sit up in bed, still glaring at him expectantly.
"Please don't take it so badly," Holden spills out nervously, anxious to escape and free himself from our demanding vision. "Cause the Lord knows I'm to blame," he says, admitting fault and slipping back into the southern drawl he tried so hard to hide in his interviews at Washington. He realizes what he just did -- he remembers his home, North Carolina, and he panics.
"I'm as free as a bird now," Holden says defensively, raising his voice a little, but leaving us unimpressed.
"And this bird," he says, gesturing aggressively, trying in vain to make it just another impersonal speech, detaching himself like a speaker before an auditorium full of incoming freshmen. "This bird -- you cannot change," he insists, thinking it'll be true if he says it with enough confidence.
"Lord knows I can't change," he whispers under his breath. He's lost -- he's been defeated. He knows he's wrong, and there's nothing left to be said. "Bye bye baby," he says lamely, looking up at us for one last time. "It's been a sweet love." We shut our eyes and wait for him to leave. He steps slowly toward the door, and we very carefully open our eyes a tiny bit, just enough to watch him as he sets down his Tar Heel baseball cap on the way out -- we knew he wouldn't keep it.
We roll over, secretly hoping he's left his electric bass so we can wreck it. Sad for one moment, then angry, then the emotion passes. We'll be all right, but we''ll be damned if he gets off scot-free. He better pay child support for this scandal baby he's stuck in our collective collegiate womb.
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