Monday, December 31, 2012

If you can't hide the hate, drown it out (Campus BluePrint Winter 2012 Online editorial)

The Chapel Hill Town Council has finally made a decision on the town's bus advertising policy, ruling to allow political ads and marking the conflict as a victory for freedom of expression and the public marketplace of ideas.

Expression of all opinions is allowed, but ads cannot be false, misleading, deceptive or disrespectful. This is noble, but chances are, it won't last.

These new restrictions definitively rule out the American Freedom Defense Initiative's strongly worded pro-Israel ad, but AFDI director Pamela Geller has already demonstrated that she won't give up easily.

"In any war between the civilized man and the savage, support the civilized man. Support Israel; defeat Jihad," reads the AFDI's ad. The ad comes across as dehumanizing and incredibly demeaning toward the entire nation of Palestine -- not to mention the Islamic faith as a whole -- and Geller has made it clear she will sue the town if she isn't allowed to run the ad in response to an ad she claims is anti-Semitic.

Based on common interpretation of the First Amendment and precedents set in other states, Geller will likely get her way. Chapel Hill's local government and media seem oblivious to this same battle taking place outside North Carolina, but the AFDI ad has already been prominently featured on public transportation in Washington D.C., San Francisco, and New York City.

Geller had to take legal action to run it in New York and Washington D.C., but the courts did not stop her. If she does the same here, as she said she will, then Chapel Hill's rule against "disrespectful" ads will likely be brushed aside as a well-meaning but thoroughly unconstitutional attempt at maintaining civil discourse.

So where do we go from there? Must divisive and "disrespectful" perspectives simply be tolerated? Should the bus advertising policy be modified yet again, removing political speech from buses and sheltering citizens from opinions they might not agree with?

The community should take this opportunity to participate in the public forum that's been created. More organizations should take a stand and let Geller and the local community know what they believe in.

One portion of the community that especially needs to make itself heard is the Jewish population. When the first ad was put on buses by the local Church of Reconciliation, it was treated as if it was uniformly offensive to all people of Jewish faith or descent, but no one has seen fit to mention that the ad was produced with input from a wide interfaith community, including local organization Jews for a Just Peace NC.

"Join with us," said the ad that started the controversy. "Build peace with justice and equality; end U.S. military aid to Israel." The ad shows Israeli Jeff Halper and Palestinian Salim Shawamreh, each holding their children. The ad could be construed as offering a potentially callous decision to a complicated and admittedly problematic conflict, but to see it as anti-Semitic is simply irrational, especially considering the real story behind the ad.

Halper, an Israeli Jew and Nobel Peace Prize nominee, is the founder of the Israeli Committee Against House Demolitions, which works to preserve and rebuild Palestinian houses in the occupied territories after they've been destroyed by Israeli forces. Halper and his organization have rebuilt Salim Shawamreh's house five times already, and they plan to continue doing so until it stays standing for Shawamreh and his family.

Just like Halper and Jews for a Just Peace NC, we should all seize this opportunity to join with the Church of Reconciliation and send an overwhelming message of peace, drowning out Geller and the AFDI's hateful, one-sided rhetoric.


http://www.scribd.com/doc/117416616/Campus-BluePrint-Winter-2012-Online

Thursday, December 13, 2012

Renewable energy in North Carolina: Waiting on the winds of change (Campus BluePrint December 2012)

It should no longer be a surprise to hear that North Carolina has the highest potential for wind energy in the southeast or that the largest wind resource on the East Coast sits just past the shores of the Outer Banks; this certainly isn't news to the energy industry.

The state's substantial wind resources have been common knowledge for years, but the question remains: where are all the wind turbines? Small turbines have popped up at various schools, businesses and homes, but there is not even a trace of any kind of large-scale wind energy development anywhere in the state.

Not for lack of effort, however, as several larger projects have been planned, but they have taken far longer than expected for any to get off the ground. One 49-turbine wind farm, the Pantego Wind Energy project, has run into problems first with environmentalists, who were concerned about risks for migratory birds in the area, and secondly with the Air Force, who contend that the wind turbines could interfere with radar and jets flying on practice runs through the area.

Another major problem is that neither the Pantego Wind Energy project nor the Desert Wind Energy project, which is to include 150 turbines and cover 31 square miles in Pasquotank and Perquimans counties, has yet to successfully negotiate a price with any of the major utilities in North Carolina who could feasibly buy the electricity generated.

Beyond the coast and offshore resources, the mountains of North Carolina are also windy enough to be excellent sources of energy. Large-scale wind development there, however, has been thoroughly limited by the Mountain Ridge Protection Act of 1983, which prohibited visible "tall buildings or structures" 40 feet or taller on mountain ridges in North Carolina.

The act provides an exception for thinner structures like windmills, but it is widely believed that wind turbines are not covered by the exception, and that possibility has been enough to deter any large-scale wind manufacturer from investing in the area.

Besides the lack of interest or investment on the part of the more prominent power companies, the central issues stalling the wind industry have been political.

The federal subsidies that make wind energy substantially more tenable, such as the Production Tax Credit, are also set to expire at the end of 2012, and the wind industry as a whole has contracted in anticipation. The American Wind Energy Association predicted 37,000 Americans employed in the renewable energy industry would lose their jobs by early 2013 if the tax credit is not renewed, and energy producer NRG went so far as to put its entire wind development sector on hold in early 2012 until the industry regains strength and stability.

The North Carolina Offshore Wind Coalition currently estimates that no actual offshore wind energy production is likely prior to 2017 or 2018. Even if economic and bureaucratic barriers continue to slow down development, the fact remains that wind energy has the potential to be a tremendous source of carbon-neutral revenue, and jobs. Wind is a logical and feasible component of the state's energy future; the only question is how long it will take to reap the benefits it offers.




http://www.scribd.com/doc/116582765/Campus-BluePrint-Fall-2012-Issue-3

Mike Tyson Thinks He's on Law and Order, Maybe (Bounce Magazine Vol. 13 Issue 2 December 2012)

Mike Tyson, grizzled boxer and veteran of a thousand and one punches in the head, made an appearance at a benefit for Breast Cancer research Friday, professing throughout the 4-hour course of the event his belief in the cause and the redemptive power of justice.

Tyson, who exists in a perpetual state of concussion, arrived at the convention center dressed for a title match and spent most of the event wandering between the stage and the little table in the corner with the shrimp cocktail, questioning those he ran into about their right to an attorney.

The man known throughout the world for biting a man's ear off 15 years ago was seen earlier in the evening mumbling to himself about DNA evidence, or bears maybe. The diaper-changing tables in both of the convention center's bathrooms were found out in the parking lot later that night, bent into a crude approximation of a hexagon and sheltering a dead cat.

Evidence suggests that Tyson, finding himself without chalk, had chosen to outline the expired feline's corpse with baby powder, leaving a trail of it around the perimeter of the lot.

A desperate tweet from his handler earlier in the day said that Tyson had gone missing, and was likely to be late for his weekly dentist appointment. He believed the former undisputed heavyweight champion may have wandered off in search of a chili dog, and he asked that whoever might find him would kindly point him toward home and avoid causing undue stress to his jaw and/or brain pan.

He also recommended steering away from any discussion relating to breakfast or criminal prosecution.

Tyson, for his part, was firm in his support of the fundraiser, which he seemed to believe was some kind of "center for AIDS tiger rehabilation [sic]," or possibly a Bar Mitzvah.

"They got any pig in a blanket left?" Tyson asked, not so much dodging questions about his concern for breast cancer as stumbling blindly by them completely unfazed, mumbling something about hepatitis and leading the witness.

For the most part Tyson was ignored, but there came a tense moment when he stopped on stage and demanded the speaker spit up what she knew about eggs and a homicide. However, he might also have been talking about Iron Man.

The contention passed after Tyson seemed to lose his already tragically undermanned train of thought. He grew quiet and then wandered down the hall to pee in the water fountain.

As the slightly perturbed guests filed out of the building at the end of the night, Tyson was observed power-walking toward the dumpster at the back of the building, muttering something about Ice T and CSI.

"Fingerprints and semen stains," Tyson lisped quizzically as he loped away.

The Curious Case of the Mormon in the Daytime (Bounce Magazine Vol. 13 Issue 2 December 2012)

More than a month after the election, America collectively looked back over the events of the political race and election and said, "Wait, who's that white guy with the shit-eating grin and the dyed hair who looks like he wants to sell my family?"

Apparently suffering from some kind of self-imposed cultural amnesia, America was unable to identify the courteous automaton who had inexplicably found his way onto the political stage.

"It's like watching one of those really surreal movies where everything is twisted but people act like it's totally normal," America said, rubbing its eyes in disbelief. "How did he get up there? Why don't I remember him?" America asked.

"Does he even have pupils? I can't tell. I think he wants to cry though," said America, watching old debate footage like it was one of those home movies from before you remember where you suddenly have a creepy Uncle Ted for a few scenes.

"Is this a joke? It doesn't even look like he wants to be there," America said. "Where the hell was I when this happened?"

Visibly distressed, America got up to call a couple of allies and corroborate the unreal events of the last year. The nation went silent as the United Kingdom gave its account of the election.

Like the obliviously hungover man told of the incredible series of events from the night before, America's face faded first from bemused disbelief to shock, and then finally through shame and remorse to a quiet acceptance.

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Stand-Alone Headline Tickers (Bounce Magazine Vol.13 Issue 1 & 2 - Fall 2012)

Vol. 13 Issue 1

Pope Benedict XVI excommunicates neighbor's bull terrier

AP News: Ukuleles no longer quirky or unique

Study shows smoking weed and talking to your cat good for your heart

PBR: Now made with real Americans

Vol. 13 Issue 2

War on Christmas escalates: four new elf civilian casualties reported

Junior's life-changing study abroad experience reduced to series of alcohol blackouts

Lady Gaga takes stand against child labor, wears Nigerian infant to Grammys

Radical gay Muslim atheists already regretting vote for Obama

Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Coal ash leak: Environmentalists ask Duke and Progress to clean up mess (Mother Nature Network Blog November 2012, Campus BluePrint Blog November 2012)

Several North Carolina environmental groups recently asked the state to reexamine current legislation and tighten restrictions on coal ash disposal, saying that many storage sites have been leaking toxic substances and contaminating local groundwater for decades, constituting a major threat to public and environmental health.

The Southern Environmental Law Center filed the request with the N.C. Environmental Management Commission on Oct. 10, citing several sites where they said the commission should require corrective action. The Commission met to discuss the request on Nov. 8.

"All of North Carolina's ash ponds that have monitoring wells and test data are showing that they're leaking heavy metals in the groundwater," said Donna Lisenby, member of the Waterkeeper Alliance, one of the conservation organizations involved in making the request.

These toxic chemicals are being found in concentrations far exceeding typical state standards at 14 coal ash ponds across the state, Lisenby said in an interview. She said environmentalists have met with the commission three times in the past, but no action has been taken yet. "This has been going on for years," she said.

Lisenby said this is a serious problem because coal ash can cause serious health problems by spreading to the air, wells and surface water.

Kelly Martin, representative of the Beyond Coal campaign for the Sierra Club in North Carolina, said, "The chemicals that are in coal ash have the potential to harm every organ in our bodies if ingested." They can also damage aquatic wildlife by getting into creeks and streams, she said in an interview.

Martin said the operators of the ponds, Duke Energy and Progress Energy, and the state are all aware of the pollution, but they haven't done anything. "I think the state should require each facility to clean up the coal ash ponds."

Lisenby said the government has always been lenient with its regulation of the coal industry. "[The Waterkeeper Alliance] in North Carolina wants the utility industry to have to play by the same rules as everyone else," she said.

Duke denies claims of preferential treatment
Spokeswoman Erin Culbert for Duke Energy said the groups filing the request are exaggerating and oversimplifying the data. "In typical fashion, these organizations draw health conclusions that are not based in fact and well overstate the risks to communities from coal ash storage," Culbert said in an email interview.

Culbert said that the utilities have worked extensively with the state to monitor pollution. "Duke Energy and Progress Energy have been sampling groundwater around their ash basins for years, and all that data have been reported to state regulators along the way," she said.

Culbert said that many of the exceedances involve only chemicals like iron and manganese, which aren't toxic, and the high concentrations often aren't the fault of the utility industry. "These constituents often occur naturally at elevated levels independent of any influence by ash basins," she said.

"It's also important to note that an exceedance at or near the ash basin does not mean groundwater off the site has been or would be impacted," Culbert said. If an increase in these chemicals was found in local groundwater away from the individual sites, the companies would work with the state to resolve the problem, she said.

"Duke Energy continues to be committed to managing coal ash responsibly at all our plants," Culbert said.

Martin said new coal ash facilities in North Carolina are allowed to contaminate groundwater within a certain boundary, but old sites are supposed to clean up and eliminate the source of pollution if contaminants are found in the groundwater at the ash basin itself.

"The state has been treating [these coal ash basins] as if they are newer facilities," Martin said. "Most of them were built when the coal-fired power plants were built back in the 1960s."

Martin said the purpose of the complaint with the commission is to make the commission look closer at the law and clarify its position.

"It is high time for Duke and Progress to take responsibility for the contamination and for the threat they're posing to our health and our communities and clean up the coal ash ponds," Martin said.

The Commission voted at the November meeting to hold a full public hearing on the issue in Raleigh on Dec. 3.




Environmentalists Want Duke and Progress to Clean up Their Mess
http://campusblueprint.com/2012/11/08/environmentalists-want-duke-and-progress-to-clean-up-their-mess/

Coal ash leak: Environmentalists ask Duke and Progress to clean up mess:
Green organizations want utilities to address groundwater contamination around coal ash sites in North Carolina
http://www.mnn.com/local-reports/north-carolina/local-blog/coal-ash-leak-environmentalists-ask-duke-and-progress-to-cle

Monday, November 5, 2012

Orange County to Vote on Public Transportation Sales Tax (Campus BluePrint Blog November 2012)

On the ballot next week in Orange County is a half-cent sales tax to support public transportation, but what’s at stake is more than just a slight increase in prices. Those who discuss the tax discuss the future direction of public transportation in Orange County and its relation to the environment.

The sales tax will not apply to basic living expenses like food, gasoline, housing, medicine and utilities, and it will be used to improve and expand bus services and build an Amtrak station in Hillsborough. Triangle Transit  plans on adding  35,000 new hours of bus service in its first
year of implementation.

The majority of the money, however, will go toward building a 17-mile light rail to move people quickly between UNC-Chapel Hill, Duke University and Downtown Durham.

Jason Baker, executive committee member of the Orange-Chatham Group of the Sierra Club, said that the Triangle area is already very congested and the air quality suffers as a result.

“Providing access to a modern transit infrastructure is essential to our efforts to improve our air quality and reduce fuel consumption,” Baker said in an official endorsement of the sales tax referendum.

Traffic congestion in the area accounts for 18 million hours of traffic delays, 12.7 million gallons of wasted fuel, and $346 million in inefficiency costs, according to the Sierra Club and the Texas A&M Transportation Institute.

Triangle Transit says that a single light rail vehicle removes 60 to 125 cars from the road, and recent Orange County projections say that by 2035 the light rail would have more than 14,000 passengers a day, which would help to significantly reduce traffic congestion and air quality impact.

Orange County commissioner Earl McKee said in an interview that a light rail system might be appropriate at some point in the future, but it isn’t a good fit for Orange County now.

“Light rail is a fixed system that cannot be moved if it does not match up with commuter patterns as they evolve over time,” McKee said. “I don’t believe that we have the population base, the tax base or the population density to adequately support [it either].”

McKee said he is worried the rail will cost more than expected and “will actually cause a decrease in existing and future bus services.

“Any new revenues in transit should be focused on improvement and expansion of our local bus service needs first,” McKee said.

Pat Carstensen, Transportation Issue Chair for North Carolina’s Sierra Club, said the important thing is moving people away from automobiles. “Rail is just one part of it,” he said in an email interview.

“You need enough density to get people to walk around to get to [their destinations], and use transit to multiply their options,” Carstensen said. “Part of it is also increasing the cost of driving, either by not pushing natural limits on stuff needed for driving, or charging more for it.”

Carstensen said public transportation is very important for preserving the environment, but it’s also good for the economy. “Anything to ‘shock-proof’ our region against surges in gas prices will make us more competitive on a global scale,” he said.

Developments like the light rail system are essential for becoming more sustainable, Carstensen said. “We are urging folks to vote ‘yes’ on the referendum.”


http://campusblueprint.com/2012/11/05/orange-county-to-vote-on-public-transportation-sales-tax/

Saturday, November 3, 2012

The American Culture War: Myth or Reality? (Campus BluePrint Fall Online Issue November 2012)

Americans are at war, voters are told. The overwhelming majority of the electorate consists of two sharply divided groups, interminably separated on serious ideological and moral grounds. Listening to many pundits and politicians on both sides of the political spectrum, this alleged conflict comes to sound like a given.

A number of books have been published on this schism, and political activists will often speak of themselves and their efforts with this same militaristic terminology; but is this idea of a deep cultural divide actually an accurate representation of America or its populace?

In the 2011 edition of "Culture War? The Myth of a Polarized America," Stanford Professor Morris P. Fiorina claims that no such immense moral divide exists in the general populace. He argues that, contrary to popular belief, a majority of Americans actually agree on the issues which are supposed to be so polarizing.

On the contentious issue of abortion, for example, Fiorina refers to regular polling conducted from the 1970s to the mid-2000s which show that Americans are generally uniform in their attitude toward abortion; they say that abortion should be legal in cases of rape, threats to the mother's health and birth defects. Many Americans also say that extreme financial situations can also be suitable justifications for abortions.

Even when the polls compared results between religious and non-religious Americans, registered members of each political party and between genders, the gap in opinion was insignificant. Fewer religious people and registered Democrats approved of allowing abortions in more circumstances, but only small percentages of each group said they were completely pro-choice or pro-life.

Similarly, the Republican Party made the Terri Schiavo case a divisive moral issue in 2005 despite the fact that a majority of Americans agreed that Schiavo, a woman in a vegetative state, kept alive only by a feeding tube, should have been allowed to die. In fact, a clear majority, approximately 75 percent of Americans, say they support euthanasia.

Other polls conducted in the mid-2000s find that a majority of Americans feel that stem cell research is morally acceptable. Yet, Republican President Bush continued to make it a divisive moral issue.

Finally, when Fiorina took the time to examine public views on gay rights, he found a very similar public consensus. A series of Gallup polls showed that in the mid-2000s, Democrats and Republicans only differed by about 10 percent in their approval of legal homosexual relations like civil unions or marriages.

Going beyond these issues that are supposedly splitting America in two, Fiorina goes so far as to say that this moral division doesn't even have that strong of an effect on the outcome of elections. Looking at the 2004 presidential election, in which moral values are said to have played a decisive role, Fiorina found that 21 percent of voters said that "Moral Issues" was the most important issue of their decision.

This may seem significant, said Fiorina, but it misleadingly lumps gay rights, abortion and broader concerns about the candidates' "values" into one option.

While Fiorina acknowledges and provides statistical evidence that there is a significant positive correlation between regular church attendance and voting for the Republican candidate in the general election, he believes that economic issues are still more important to voters.

If Fiorina is right, and Americans are basically united on these controversial ideological issues, then why are there so many who believe so strongly in the Culture War and its reality? How has this idea of a deep moral division splitting the country gained so much momentum?

Fiorina puts the blame on a misinterpretation of election results, a polarization of the political choices that Americans are offered and a sensationalist media.

The elections of the 1990s were very close races, with no one candidate winning a majority of the popular vote, whereas before the 1992 election, it was the norm for one candidate to win a clear majority. Fiorina says that the media and the political elite misinterpreted this close electoral split as a deep ideological split.

And as evidenced by those perpetuating the idea of the Culture War themselves, the political elite of America have become more polarized. Fiorina suggests that the polarization of the elite has led to more polarized candidates as well.

The presidential candidates presented to the American people have become increasingly distinct and radical, but this doesn't mean that the people at large have followed suit. Fiorina says that the American populace can hover around the middle of the political spectrum, but as long as the candidates are equally polarized, the close division of the voters will remain.

Fiorina attributes this polarization to activists and political elites who control political discourse. He also blames the media for focusing on and exaggerating the political conflict to increase interest.

Fiorina offers tentative explanations for why this polarization occurred over time, but he acknowledges that they are no more than hypotheses. His main message, however, is clear: there is no "us and "them." American culture is not fundamentally divided along social or religious lines, and political discourse does not need to be antagonistic.





www.scribd.com/doc/112000410

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Senile History Professor Teaches Sex-Ed (Bounce Magazine Vol. 13 Issue 1 October 2012)

Professor Barnwurst of the UNC History Department has been teaching upwards of 100 first-year students about seminal vesicles for at least two weeks now.

The students, who are relatively certain they originally enrolled in a class about European history, were first merely puzzled, and now totally flabbergasted by the lecture topics Barnwurst has selected.

"The class started out totally normal," said freshman Ron Dreyfuss. "We actually talked about Napoleon and stuff for about a week, but then things started getting weird. I would have dropped by now, but I could use an easy A."

"There was a day, I think it was the second week of class, when he just talked about birth canals for the entire 50 minutes," said student Sally Stickman. "At that point I knew something was wrong."

"I would have gone to an advisor or something, but he still talked occasionally about European history until mid-September or so," said Stickman. "I think that was the scrotum rant; he kept us after class for that one."

It's unclear whether the gradual modification of Barnwurst's syllabus was due to a descent into perverted insanity, or if he's only become less aware of his surroundings as time has gone on, but one thing is certain: his class isn't going anywhere.

"I'll admit that the banana-condom project las week was a little uncomfortable, but I'm actually doing really well," said student Evangeline Mason. "Barnwurst is strict, but he's a great teacher!"

Other students were less appreciative of the professor, but they still seemed content to remain in the class. "Honestly I feel bad for the dude," said student Taylor Gillian. "I don't think he's all there, and even when he's clearly talking about sex he can be a bit hard to follow. It's kind of nice to learn something practical for once though."

Sweet Frog Hosts Obama Fundraiser (Bounce Magazine Vol. 13 Issue 1 October 2012)

Nearing the end of a long and expensive campaign, President Barack Obama and the Democratic Party announced Tuesday that they'd be holding one last big fundraising drive at Sweet Frog, the popular frozen yogurt chain in Chapel Hill.

"Sweet Frog already brings in a lot of traffic, so that's an impressive quantity of donors that we can just take for granted," said Judy O'Donnell, the campaign organizer in charge of creating the Facebook event. "We just have to remind the attendees to tell the cashier they're here for Obama."

Obama said he picked Sweet Frog for the specific environment it provides. "I'm confident that the vivid, pastel-colored walls and the free-spirited, individualized way they sell frozen yogurt will pique the community's interest and energize our base constituency," Obama affirmed. "You get to serve yourself whatever you want and pay by weight--it's pretty cool, actually."

Vice President Joe Biden, who plans to man the table by the door, expressed excitement for the unique opportunity to communicate directly with a long line of voters. "There's gonna be a lot of customers coming through, so I'll have to talk loud and fast," Biden said. "I'm bringing flyers too--that way I'll have a cheat sheet if I forget platform principles or whatever else I'm supposed to tell people."

"I'm planning on getting here early too," he added. "That way I'll have time to buy a bowl of skittles and gummy bears and settle in before the rush. Have you seen the lights here? They're paper mache or something, it's great!"

O'Donnell said she is "incredibly excited" for the upcoming donor event. "It's a Thursday, and that's a BIG 'fro-yo night,' according to the locals. The only thing I'm concerned about is our competition. Cold Stone, Ben & Jerry's, and the Yogurt Pump are all aggressive marketers, and they get remarkable sales on weekday nights," O'Donnell said.

"I've also heard the Romney folks might be setting up shop at the Domino's up the road but that doesn't really worry us."

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

UNC's Environmental Affairs for the 2012-2013 Year: An Interview with Logan Mauney (Campus BluePrint Print Issue October 2012)

Logan Mauney is a co-chair of the UNC-Chapel Hill Environmental Affairs Committee, which is a part of the executive branch of UNC-CH Student Government. The EAC works with the university administration and various student groups to foster communication and collaboration and work on projects relating to issues like sustainability, recycling and financial transparency.

Last year you helped put together SBP Will Leimenstoll's platform; how has that and the specific goals and initiatives outlined in it informed your plans for the Environmental Affairs Committee (EAC) this year?

Mauney: Well of course we want to address the line items in the platform--those things you can just check off the box--and also we want to channel the spirit of the platform. The environment was integral to Will's platform, coming from his background. But also, we don't want it to limit us to certain topics.

We just got our committee last week, and one of the biggest things we're trying to push is that we want this to be their committee, and though we've got a long list of things that are already in the works--you know, things leftover from last year, things that we as co-chairs stumbled into in the first month of school--we want to hear their ideas, and try to work on those throughout the year too.

Can you tell me about how you plan to work with other environmental groups on campus? Eco-Harmony was a program started by the Cooper Administration to bring all those different groups together; what are you planning to do with that initiative this year?

Mauney: The whole idea there was just bringing together the leadership of student groups just for us to have a time to meet. I'm hoping bi-weekly, maybe once a month--I think it was a little more infrequently last year--but just to have a quick time so we can have that familiarity amongst ourselves.

Last year I got to go to some of the first meetings; I thought it was a great idea, because one of the things we've kind of identified this year is that we have the Office of Waste Reduction and the Sustainability Office, which are the administrative--the long term--you can think of them as the rock of environmental affairs on campus, but on the student side, things are pretty fragmented.

We as student groups aren't very aware of each other or what's going on. And I don't think there's ever been a time of stepping on toes or doing the same thing, but I think that in terms of accomplishing more, and making more of an impact, we can get a lot more done if we're really aware of each other, especially recognizing that we're coming from a lot of different angles.

I think in Will's platform it says something about 'supporting and collaborating with other student groups on campus,' and it's just that central idea that we want to be a hub for communication and collaboration, but the other half of it is that we want to streamline and initiate projects on campus.

That could definitely help students more easily find groups to volunteer with that really match their interests, too. Another issue on the platform is the lack of transparency regarding UNC's $2.2 billion endowment fund. What have you and the committee done about that so far?

Mauney: I think the date is October 29--we have to confirm that with the administrators--but it's the Endowment 101 Forum. We had some talks last year with the administrators about having this open place where they could talk about the endowment and what its uses are.

Being able to give a spiel on their side, to say, "[this is] the purpose of the endowment; this is how it's allocated; this is how it's managed,"--but then to have that opportunity for students to hopefully have some prepared questions, that we could get from those student organizations. Like Students for a Democratic Society had a big voice last year--we talked to them--Sierra Student Coalition, the Student Power Assembly--you know, working with them to have good questions and really get a student voice up there, and then hopefully have a spontaneous Q&A too. We want to make sure that students can get the full information in how the endowment impacts the environment, and also just creating the environment--in a different sense--on campus, of having that openness.

So basically trying to work with the administration and just bring everyone involved together to cooperate and get on the same page?

Mauney: I think that's exactly what we're trying to do. We've been talking to the executive board of officers under Will about something like an Endowment Transparency Committee that has student representation...That could be maybe a realistic step towards that divestment.

What are some other projects you're planning to work on this year?

Mauney: So we're going to be working with the dining halls, the Greek system and housing. In housing, dorm composting is something...the sustainability living-learning community sort of had the pilot program I think, but this year it's going strong, and actually...in Cobb they've got composting. But again we're hoping to set the model, see what sort of success we can have, and then make it an option that all students can have on campus.

In Lenoir they're going to be launching compost right outside Freshens. That was something that we brought up last year just as an idea, something that I was really excited about, and this year we're going to have the pilot at least. We're going to be supplying volunteers for that to monitor the compost and hopefully educate people too.

Could you tell me some about the Game Day Challenge and what else you might be working on with the Athletics Department?

Mauney: It's another thing that's coming up--on October 6 I think it's going to be this year--so it's one of our big focuses right now. Hopefully it's going to be a day where we can try some pilot projects. It could be a zero waste game, where we have a lot of volunteers that go through and sort everything into recycling and compost, and then that little bit of trash that would be left over; something like that that we can try one time, and see what the feasibility is of institutionalizing these practices. It could be composting in the Blue Zone or the chancellor's box. If we could convince the right people that this is something that, one, is really little effort on their part, and two, a big impact, or something that could be a positive PR move, and also just something they should do.

We've also collected some contacts with the Office of Waste Reduction to do a lot of research on our peer institutions and hopefully compile a report of best practices, and maybe a wish list for things that we could add here at UNC that there's already a model for at other universities.

And hopefully they'll be watching us too. Do you have any kind of more long-term goals or general themes for the committee to work on?

Mauney: One of our big pushes this year is visibility and outreach; we really just want to raise awareness and be like an educating tool. One of our big goals is to change the culture a little bit.

So it's things like tweeting short articles that could be interesting, or little things that students can do on campus, or little reminders. It's things like working with the administration to institutionalize maybe a little greener curriculum--that was one of the projects last year. You know in the top corners of the Daily Tar Heel there's a little tiny bit of empty space, but if there was just a little something, "remember to recycle," or something like that on every page--little things like that. Or maybe in the administration, [these issues], in a more tangible sense, could be part of the chancellor's platform, or part of the message of UNC.

I mean, we're the flagship university of the UNC system, and with this much influence and this many students, we can really set a good example--I think we have more of a responsibility to be a role model.



Saturday, October 13, 2012

North Carolina Trees Sacrificed for Billboard Visibility (Campus BluePrint Blog October 2012)

North Carolina advertisers are being allowed to cut more trees on state property than ever before, say critics of a North Carolina law that went into effect early this year.

The law expands the area around billboards that can be cleaned of vegetation, and allows advertisers to ignore local ordinances, which has sparked a heated debate about the relative value of trees and billboards to the state.

Now the N.C. Department of Transportation, after using temporary rules since March, has proposed a set of permanent rules to guide them in their selective vegetation removal policy in compliance with the law.

Ryke Longest, director of the Duke Environmental Law and Policy Clinic, said in an interview that the biggest problem is no one has really examined how much state property is being given away in enacting these rules.

“That’s the public’s property,” Longest said, “and we’re giving it away.”

When a company clears vegetation around a billboard, they must compensate the state by replanting trees elsewhere, taking down two other billboards, or by simply buying the trees from the state, Jamille Robbins, public involvement officer at the N.C. Department of Transportation, said in an email interview.

The price per tree is 75 dollars per caliper inch, said Longest, who speaks on behalf of non-profit environmental organization Scenic NC. “There’s no way that comes close to the replacement value of the tree; there’s a discount,” he said.

Longest said that the billboard companies do the measurements themselves, so there’s an opportunity for them to pretend certain trees don’t exist.

At one site, Longest said, “They cut 53 trees, but they told the state that one of them was existing, and so they paid $1,700 for the one.” The other 52 would’ve cost $34,000 to cut, he said.

“Buy one existing tree, get 52 free,” Longest said. “That’s just a ridiculous subsidy.”

Alyson Tamer, roadside environmental engineer for the N.C. Department of Transportation, said that advertisers only have to pay “for trees that were existing at the time the billboard was put up.”

Tamer said that advertisers don’t get a chance to lie about tree numbers. “The companies definitely measure, and they say whether there’s existing trees or not, but our technicians go out there and verify everything,” she said in an interview.

Tony Adams, executive director of the N.C. Outdoor Advertising Association, defended the law and the new proposed policies, saying that billboards are more important than trees for North Carolina.

There were very few trees on the public right-of-way before the 1970s, he said. “I will contend to you that many places in North Carolina were prettier back then,” he said at a public hearing in Asheville.

Billboards play an important role in leading visitors to cultural landmarks, Adams said, and people should be concerned about visibility instead of trees.

Adams said that trees are also worse for the environment than billboards because they give off methane and deplete groundwater. “But isn’t it interesting that when there were less trees in the public right-of-way 30 or 40 years ago, global warming was less of a problem than it is today?”

Adams cited studies done by the Max Planck Institute in West Germany to support his statements. “So if you’re willing to look at it objectively, you can see where trees have positive influences on the environment, but there are negative influences also,” he said.

Trees by the side of the road can be dangerous to motorists, and advertisers are doing North Carolina a service by paying for their removal, Adams said. “That could be somebody’s grandfather, and when those people get killed, they should not have to give their lives because a tree was too close to the road.”

The N.C. Department of Transportation’s new policies do include some improvements, Longest said. The policy now recognizes the importance of state and federal environmental laws, which the law alone didn’t, but it still doesn’t respect local ordinances, he said.

The new policies also allow a 30-day period for individual municipalities to review vegetation removal proposals and make comments before the N.C. Department of Transportation looks at it, Longest said, “but the state is not obligated to deny it based on that.

“That’s the piece of it that I think is really missing,” Longest said. “It’s not like when you cross that line from private property onto state right-of-way that local ordinances don’t apply—they do in every other circumstance.”

The Rules and Review Commission of the the North Carolina Office of Administrative Hearings will meet on Oct. 18 to determine whether or not the proposed policies conform to state law.



 http://campusblueprint.com/2012/10/13/north-carolina-trees-sacrificed-for-billboard-visibility/

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Hunting Threatens Last Wild Population of Red Wolves in the World (Campus BluePrint Blog October 2012) (Mother Nature Network NC Correspondent Blog)

Steadily rising coyote populations have been causing enough trouble in North Carolina as it is, but now even management efforts are having unintended consequences.

The N.C. Wildlife Resources Commission adopted a temporary rule on August 1 which allows night hunting of coyotes with a light. Daytime hunting without a specific season or limit has been permitted for years, but some say that night hunting puts the red wolves of North Carolina in danger.

“They look very close to coyotes,” said Tara Zuardo, legal associate for the Animal Welfare Institute, one of several organizations that jointly filed a lawsuit in September against the commission, as well as a request to end the night hunting.

Eastern North Carolina has the only wild population of red wolves left in the world, and there’s only about 90 to 110 of them, Zuardo said in an interview. She said that there are already about seven red wolves mistakenly killed every year.

“Out of the total population, that’s 7 to 9 percent annually,” Zuardo said. “That’s before the night hunting.”

“If we have those issues in the daytime, we’re definitely going to have them in the nighttime,” said Kim Wheeler, executive director of the Red Wolf Coalition, another organization involved in the case. Many hunters don’t even know that North Carolina has wolves, so they just assume they’re coyotes, Wheeler said in an interview.

Red wolves were officially declared extinct in the wild in 1980, but the U.S. Fish & Wildlife Service tried to reintroduce them to several areas in the late 1980s. “This is really the only reintroduction program that worked,” Zuardo said. “It’s a pretty sensitive population.”

Wheeler said that shooting even a few wolves can be disastrous. “We have less than a dozen [mated] pairs of animals,” she said. Not only that, but shooting coyotes can also hurt the wolves, she said.

Because of interbreeding concerns, the U.S. Fish & Wildlife Service already sterilizes coyotes within red wolf territories.

A press release issued by the Southern Environmental Law Center, the Chapel Hill organization that officially filed the complaint against the commission, said that shooting these coyotes “will undo effective coyote population control efforts and further jeopardize the native red wolf population.”

Forrest Orr, enforcement officer for the commission, said that hunting is necessary for dealing with rising populations of coyotes.

“Coyotes have no natural predators; they’re pretty much the top of the food chain,” said Orr in an interview. “Hunting and trapping are really the only management tools that we have.”

Mallory Martin, chief deputy director of the commission, said in an email interview that coyotes prey on livestock on farms and domestic pets in urban areas, and they’ve been reported to damage crops like watermelons as well.

“These are environmental and economic realities for landowners, farmers, ranchers and others who are directly affected by expanding coyote populations,” Martin said.

Martin said that night hunting is an important tool for landowners to have for managing coyotes and their effects on their private land. “Adoption of this rule recognizes the importance of providing private landowners a reasonable and full range of options to respond to the expansion of a non-native predatory species on the landscape,” he said.

Orr said that as the coyote population explodes, “they move into the more urban areas, and that’s where you start getting more of the problems,” as coyotes lose their fear of people when you can’t hunt them.

The Southern Environmental Law Center’s press release said that the commission also violated state laws when they adopted the night hunting rule.

“Temporary rules are supposed to be more like emergency rules,” Zuardo said. “They can be passed when there’s a serious or unforeseen threat to public health or safety or welfare.

“But in terms of night hunting, that’s not really covered under a temporary rule,” Zuardo said. “It just doesn’t qualify.”

Zuardo said that the legal issue is not the most important issue. “It’s not just that they went ahead with these rules, it’s that they didn’t take into account the danger to such a sensitive and endangered species,” she said. “You could wipe out the population in a night basically.”


http://campusblueprint.com/2012/10/05/hunting-threatens-last-wild-population-of-red-wolves-in-the-world/

http://www.mnn.com/local-reports/north-carolina/local-blog/red-wolves-endangered-animals-still-at-risk

Sunday, September 30, 2012

Invasive Weeds Threaten North Carolina's Inland Waters (Campus BluePrint Blog Sept 2012)

The 40-mile-long Eno River runs through Orange and Durham counties providing drinking water, recreational opportunities and biodiversity, and it is in danger. A serious ecological and economic threat hides just beneath the surface of the river, casting a shadow of doubt over its future, and that of North Carolina’s many other inland waters as well. The threat in question, however, is no more than a seemingly innocuous weed named hydrilla.

Hydrilla is an invasive aquatic weed, regarded by the USDA as especially harmful to existing environments and their native species. It spreads in shallow water and forms dense mats of stems and leaves, crowding out other aquatic plants, constricting fish movement and depleting dissolved oxygen in the water, according to a scientific profile from North Carolina State University.

Not only does hydrilla endanger aquatic species, which the Eno River has many of, but it can create breeding areas for mosquitos and seriously affect swimming, fishing, and boating, Kurt Schlimme, director of conservation for the Eno River Association, said in an interview.

Water quality in the river is also a concern, as much water is withdrawn for residential, but also for industrial purposes. Eno River water is used extensively by the town of Hillsborough and rural areas of Orange and Alamance counties.

Dale Hamby, water treatment plant manager for Orange-Alamance Water System, Inc., said that the hydrilla has gotten visibly worse in the last three years. “It hasn’t caused me trouble yet, but I can see where it would,” he said in an interview.

Justin Nawrocki, graduate research assistant at NCSU, said that because of toxic cyanobacteria that can grow on hydrilla, the hydrilla can have devastating effects on bird populations as well. “It has decimated the bald eagle population on [Lake Strom Thurmond] in Georgia,” said Nawrocki in an email interview.

Nawrocki has been involved since 2009 with the Eno River project, which has been working to find ways to combat hydrilla effectively. He said they have been testing an herbicide called endothall to ensure that it would not do too much collateral environmental damage to the river if used to treat the infestation.

“It has a relatively short contact-time requirement to obtain control, which is extremely important in a system like the Eno,” said Nawrocki. “We feel we can safely treat the river with endothall.”

Endothall is a herbicide commonly used to control submersed aquatic vegetation, and, according to the assessment of the EPA, not a serious risk to public health, as long as it is applied more than 600 feet away from where water is being drawn.

Nawrocki said that there are other herbicides being looked at as well, and money is “a significant factor that needs to be considered when formulating a management program.

“State funds are lacking, and hydrilla management is expensive and will be needed for many years to come,” Nawrocki said.

He said the treatment would be even tougher because of how hydrilla grows and spreads. It easily colonizes new areas by leaving plant fragments hidden beneath the soil and releasing buds to be carried downstream.

The buds can remain dormant for up to a year before sprouting, and the fragments beneath the soil can last even longer.

Hydrilla was first discovered in the United States in Florida in 1960, and it was identified in North Carolina in Wake County’s Umstead Park in 1980.

It usually spreads by attaching itself to boats, which carry it to new areas, and it was probably first introduced to American water systems by someone who used it as a decorative aquarium plant, Tom Davis, Orange County water resources coordinator, said in an interview.

Now hydrilla has spread around much of the country, and it is the target of enormous amounts of public spending.  Hydrilla was discovered in the Finger Lakes of New York last year, and now public officials there estimate that it will cost $1 million a year for 5 to 8 years to deal with the intrusion.

In Florida, where hydrilla is so widespread that management efforts are usually directed only at containment, in lieu of eradication, public agencies spent nearly $12 million in the 2010-2011 fiscal year, according to the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission.

“Currently it is a problem without a solution,” said Schlimme. “The best way for folks to help is to begin questioning decision-makers about what is being done about the issue.

“We are extremely lucky to be in a region with so many outdoor resources and so many great organizations dedicated to protecting these resources,” Schlimme said. “We need to be advocates for these places.”

 http://campusblueprint.com/2012/09/29/invasive-weeds-threaten-north-carolinas-inland-waters/

Saturday, September 22, 2012

Obey Creek Sparks Debate Between Developers and Environmentalists (Campus BluePrint Blog September 2012)


Obey Creek is a 120-acre property of largely undeveloped land in southern Chapel Hill, blanketed with a thick forest, neatly bisected by Wilson Creek, and marked with steep slopes and hills throughout the terrain. Obey Creek, however, is viewed by different people in very different ways; some see it as a vulnerable environmental preserve of sorts, while others see it as a wellspring of economic opportunity.

Directly across the street from Southern Village and Southern Community Park, Obey Creek is the subject of an extensive development proposal submitted in July by Roger Perry of East West Partners Club Management. The concept plan, itself a revised version of the original plan submitted in 2010, provides for approximately 1.5 million square feet of developed space, including area for retail, commercial buildings, a residential zone and a 120-room hotel.

Betsy Smith, however, says she doesn’t think development is a good idea. An ecologist who lives in the area, Smith says that Obey Creek is an especially sensitive site. “It’s in a watershed [with] very steep slopes, [it’s] highly erodible, and any kind of development is going to contribute to the problem of water quality,” she said in an interview.

The developers have committed in their concept application to not developing directly along the creek and to keeping the water clean, but Smith says that water pollution is inevitable with development on this scale, and that it could be an especially big problem for Obey Creek, which was originally zoned only for low-density residential development.

“It seeps into Jordan Lake,” Smith said, “which, under the Clean Water Act, is already non-compliance.”

Smith says that, according to the law as it currently stands, Chapel Hill could be responsible for cleaning up the Jordan Lake Reservoir “if they don’t reduce the input into the lake by 2014.”

Smith said she was also concerned about the air pollution that could be caused by the huge influx of cars moving through the new area, which will house a retail area of 350,000 square feet—about the size of University Mall—including some kind of “big-box” national retailer.

Chapel Hill Town Council member Penny Rich said that the council and the town don’t have ultimate control over land use. “We can’t always pick and choose who is going to be building and who is going to be owning the land,” she said in an interview.

Rich said that Chapel Hill as a whole constantly fights against development, and if the town continues to refuse to develop, there will be financial consequences, and other counties will benefit. “We can’t just keep letting our tax dollars leave Orange County and expect to not raise taxes on people,” she said.

“We will wind up with a very, very expensive county to live in, and it will change our county,” Rich said. “We will lose our diversity, which we already seem to be doing.

“Now that doesn’t mean I think we should build big-box stores all over the place,” Rich said. “I am not for that at all.”

Rich said that the most important thing is to keep an open mind and listen to everyone.

Perry could not be reached for comment, but according to the concept plan submitted jointly to council by East West Partners Club Management and two other developers, sustainability and resource preservation are important priorities that will be deliberately kept in mind during the construction process.

Along with the concept plan proposal, another document was submitted as a statement of compliance with Chapel Hill’s 2020 Comprehensive Plan, which, as a plan that involved extensive public input, includes a substantial amount of environmental considerations.

Jeanne Brown, a local resident, says she is not opposed to development in Obey Creek in theory, but the current plan goes too far and ignores public opinion.

Brown is a member of Citizens for Responsible Growth, which is a politically active organization of local residents that speaks out against the proposed Obey Creek development. She says that Chapel Hill needs to work harder to be transparent and keep citizens informed when there is planning like this happening.

Brown said she first heard about the original 2010 concept plan long after the process had begun.
 
“A boy in our carpool got in the car one morning and he was really upset to know that there was going to be a hotel in his backyard,” Brown said in an interview. “I thought that seemed unlikely, but the more I read about it, the more I realized what was going on.”

Brown said she understands that development is unavoidable, but she wants some of the Obey Creek property to be left undeveloped. “The fact of the matter is it’s zoned for development, and right now it’s zoned for the entire property to be developed.

“In the best of worlds it would stay what it is,” Brown said.

The Chapel Hill Town Council will hold a hearing on the issue on Wednesday, Sept. 19 at 7 p.m. at the Town Hall on 405 Martin Luther King Blvd.



 http://campusblueprint.com/2012/09/22/obey-creek-sparks-debate-between-developers-and-environmentalists/

Thursday, September 20, 2012

The Junior Experience, or: My Life as an Upperclassman (LCM Belltower September 2012)

Being a junior is a lot like being a sophomore, but with more credibility. I still don't know how to cook an egg to save my life, and my sense of direction can't get me any farther than the laundry room, let alone Carrboro, but for some reason people seem to think I know what I'm doing now.

But I guess my perspective is different now too. Even if I'm still generally clueless, I feel experienced, like a grizzled veteran of the martial struggle for higher education. The coolest part about that is I get to help out underclassmen and not feel like the blind leading the blind; I'm finally allowed to pretend I know what I'm talking about and excitedly share my knowledge with the new first-years--in exchange, of course, for the occasional free meal at Lenoir Dining Hall.

Junior year brings its own challenges though. My classes are getting harder, my papers are getting longer, and I've had to face the unfortunate truth that being in a ukulele ensemble is not relevant experience for a future career in Journalism. I've moved off campus this year as well, so that's necessarily opened up a veritable Pandora's box of domestic challenges.

However, despite having to clean my own bathroom and learn to cook for myself without burning the whole apartment complex down, I am still just as excited for the coming year as I was for the last two, if not more so. I have my housemates, Alex and my cousin Meredith, and I have all of LCM to support me and give me experiences to look back and reflect on for years to come. The novelty of simply being in college has not even begun to wear off, and I'm confident that UNC and LCM have many more experiences, lessons, and surprises in store for me.



studentorgs.unc.edu/lcm/index.php/helpful-documents/doc_download/25-belltower-2012-2013-september


Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Reimagining Civics Education: Political Literacy and Civic Responsibility as the Fragile Core of Democratic Life (Campus BluePrint May Online 2012)


In light of long-running trends and recent events, no logical debater would argue against the fact that Americans in general could use a good dose of political knowledge and civic responsibility; national voter turnout is just barely more than 50 percent for presidential elections, public misconceptions of government offices and powers dictate campaigns and lead candidates to blatantly misrepresent political principles and structures, and a horrifying number of Americans apparently know more American Idol judges than they do First Amendment rights.

The obvious solution is a month-long remedial civics course for all Americans, to be administered by the long-marginalized minority that is high school civics teachers. Think of it as goal-oriented poetic justice.

That’s not feasible, you say? That’d be an egregious waste of taxpayer money, you say? You hated your high school civics teacher more than you hate bird poop or hospital food, you say?

Well, you’d be right, although you can’t speak for everyone. We can’t put upwards of 200 million voting age citizens in classrooms for a month and make them memorize constitutional amendments or teach them which powers the president actually has, no matter how much we may want to.

What we can do, however, is set up the next generation to be a little bit more prepared, engaged and aware. Our civics programs as they currently operate are obviously not working, and political literacy in high school has been declining, according to the National Assessment of Educational Progress.

Fortunately enough for us, the path to reform has already been marked. The answer, beyond a simple re-prioritizing of civics within the educational system, is what is being called “action civics,” or the more targeted idea of “digital citizenship” suggested by the Education Commission of the States.

These new governmental initiatives reevaluate the traditional civics education, moving the focus away from basic knowledge of dates and names and emphasizing instead an active participation and involvement in public issues from the beginning.

This full engagement is further encouraged and made possible by the technological skills of the new generation. With social media and internet access students can immediately become a part of the public discourse on issues important to them. Helping them to find these issues that they care about opens up their perspective to the political community around them, and this initial awareness and interest is all that is needed to set them on the path to civic engagement and political literacy.

This shift in teaching methods may require an inordinate amount of effort to pull off uniformly and properly, but our civics education warrants and demands more than just a quick fix.

I believe that this method of getting students to act independently in the political realm can have tremendous benefits for this generation and the future. Civic engagement now means civic engagement later, and action civics is exactly what we need to create a more socially and politically conscious wave of youth. 

By giving young people this type of education, we are giving them the tools and the orientation necessary to be productive members of this political society and to work for substantial positive change in the world. Maybe that’s what we need to shake up the public’s systemic ignorance of the processes and principles of our political structure and re-imagine what it means to function in democratic life.





 http://www.scribd.com/doc/90283603/Spring-Issue-4-Last-Draft

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Local Sick Lady Gives Out Ribbons (Bounce Magazine Vol. 12 Issue 4 April 2012)

For nearly 20 years, Carrboro resident Sharon Sherman has suffered from some disease that you've never heard of. You can't tell by looking at her, but apparently she and a couple other thousand have to live with this weird disorder every day; in fact some percent of people will experience it at least once in their lifetime.

And now she wants you to notice.

Apparently she's pissed off that no one's ever paid attention to her horrific illness, so now she's making ribbons. She's making ribbons and she's going to go out and give them to everyone in town just so they'll know the name of the disease that she and some number of other people in the world suffer from--for millions of people would be saved every year if people were just more aware of their illness.

Sarah Spanky, a stuck-up girl with a rich daddy, weighed in. "Don't we already know enough diseases? Not even just the big ones either; we've got tons of those little insignificant diseases wedged into our memories too, because I'm sure that helps them get the medical attention they need. Do they get sicker if we don't wear the ribbons?"

"As a matter of fact, yes," says Dr. Hans Jorgenson of the Center for Disease Control. "In a statistical analysis there was a strong inverse relationship between ribbons worn for a specific disease and people killed by it."

People like Spanky are still skeptical. "Sherman isn't even telling people what the allegedly horrific disease does that's so horrifying. Even if it's one of the interesting diseases that puts water in your brain or makes your face look like a bird or Benjamin Button, people don't know because she 'doesn't feel comfortable talking about it.' In that case, why did she decide to make ribbons and raise awareness in the first place?"

Spanky added, "Just another fucking disease with another fucking ribbon. It makes me sick."

Point/Counter (Bounce Magazine Vol. 12 Issue 4 April 2012)

Point: Stop Stifling My Child
Lisa Baker

The modern American educational system disgusts me; you take the students and you shove the curriculum down their throats and kick them out the door. Education is supposed to be about fostering a love for learning and nurturing creativity but all you care about is test scores. Maybe if you'd take your head out of your ass for one second you'd see that kids don't like being limited or fenced in -- they want to be free to ask questions and engage their imaginations and learn what they want to learn. You take the gifted kids and you stuff them in a box with your standardized testing and your utilitarian conformity. You stifle -- no, you strangle them with your emphatic mediocrity.

Counter: Your Child is Dumb as Shit
Mr. Morrison

Wait one second -- just chill out, lady. You're Mrs. Baker, right? Trevor's mom? Oh I see, you're here about the math test. Look, Trevor didn't fail the ever-loving-holy-merciful-Jesus out of that test because he's an "individual." He failed because he's got the mental capacity of a sweaty dead sloth. If shoving curriculum down his throat would help him grasp basic fundamental concepts I'd do it, but the only way Trevor is ever going to learn the difference between multiplication and making poopy is if he suddenly grows a brain in that snotty bruised cranium of his. Hate to break it to you, Mrs. Baker, but Trevor is dumb as shit.

School Celebrates No Child Left Behind (Bounce Magazine Vol. 12 Issue 4 April 2012)

Crowded inner-city Washbrook High School celebrated the tenth anniversary of the No Child Left Behind Act Thursday afternoon in their school gymnasium. Festivities included two cheap cheese pizzas form a greasy local Domino's and a single purple hula hoop.

Principal Russell Stiffmuffin, dressed in dirty khakis and an ill-fitting wrinkled purple button-up, was quick to extol the virtues of the controversial education reform bill enacted in 2002.

"The standards and goals set by the bill have given us the push we desperately needed to pull ourselves up academically," Stiffmuffin said as he dodged a mass of screaming children looking for something to do in the tightly-packed gym. "Our funding has suffered a little bit but we're definitely motivated!"

The old gymnasium, smelling vaguely of urine and moldy chili, was packed nearly to the ceiling with what appeared to be a thousand shrieking, ostensibly celebrating children. "The fire marshals tend to look the other way most of the time," remarked Stiffmuffin, seemingly proud of the inhospitable and radically dangerous environment he was in charge of. "That's saved us a fortune on new classrooms."

"It helps that the kids tend to make their own games too; I like to think that the lack of school supplies and athletic equipment encourages creativity," said Stiffmuffin, deftly pulling apart a pair of vigorously biting sophomores before one poked the other in the eye with a broken ruler.

"In fact, I'm pretty sure our teachers work better without being weighed down by up-to-date textbooks or modern technology like printers," said Stiffmuffin. "Most of what they do is break up fights or clean up vomit anyway."

Washbrook High School has the worst record in the region for holding onto teachers, and many of the teachers who have stayed don't show up often or only come to hit on students. Only the latter type was in attendance at the anniversary celebration in the old musty gym.

"I would've brought a basketball from home for the kids, but the last one I brought caused 3 broken bones and a skull fracture within the first ten minutes," said Stiffmuffin. "Now I just leave all my things at home."

Woman Finds Image of Dawkins on Naan (Bounce Magazine Vol. 12 Issue 4 April 2012)


Indian woman Ankita Pillai, 37, was shocked to discover a detailed imprint of Richard Dawkins’ face in her flatbread at a meal with her extended family on a night in late February. Inspired by this incredibly fortuitous random happenstance, Pillai immediately devoted her life to spreading Dawkins’ teachings to all who would deign to listen.

Dawkins, firm proponent of evolutionary biology and outspoken atheist, was immediately recognizable in the pattern of grains in Pillai’s naan by all who were even remotely familiar with his face.  Only adding to the excitement, this was the first ever reported instance of the passionate rationalist skeptic appearing on any kind of carbohydrate.

Pillai immediately wrapped up the leavened flat bread to preserve it and prepared to leave her tiny town of Sirkhazi for good.  Before setting out on her prophetic scientific pilgrimage, however, she gave a stirring sermon on the millions of brilliant genetic processes that created the sacred facial imprint.

She said that all life evolves by the differential survival of replicating entities, and then proceeded to pontificate on the glories of the endless generational genetic replication that led to this graven image of Richard Dawkins, fervent opponent of intelligent design and militant empiricist.

Then, forsaking food or proper transport, Pillai began her journey on foot. With plans to travel around India, spreading this fervor for realism and natural selection throughout the land, she necessarily put aside the material trappings and family binds that held her to home. Ascetically leaving the needs of her body as an afterthought, she taught in village after village, subsisting on the food and shelter provided for her by those who wished to hear her speak.

After gathering a following of people from all around South India with her message of evidence-based knowledge as a weapon against the potential evil of faith, Pillai and her followers built a shrine to rationalism outside of the city of Bangalore. Here they placed the moldy naan bearing Dawkin’s image, wrapping it in saran wrap in order to preserve the monument to scientific reason for future generations.




J.K. Rowling Decapitates Suzanne Collins (Bounce Magazine Vol. 12 Issue 4 April 2012)

Esteemed British author J. K. Rowling fought and killed fellow author Suzanne Collins last week in a crowded Boston train station, marking the end of a centuries-old battle between the two immortal and furiously headstrong women. Sources close to Rowling said that she was glad to be through with the brutal conflict, which necessarily ended with the Hunger Games' author's head thoroughly separated from her body.

Sean Connery, Scottish actor and self-proclaimed expert on this age-long war of nearly invincible feminist fantasy writers, came forward to explain this mystical phenomenon. He said that Rowling and Collins both belonged to an ancient race of immortal and independent women locked in eternal conflict.

Rowling, multimillionaire creator of the Harry Potter franchise, is 46 years old, according to British hospital records, but Connery's testimonial puts this documentation into question.

"From the dawn of time they came," said Connery, "moving silently down through the centuries, living many secret lives, struggling to reach the time of the Gathering, when the few who remain will battle to the last."

Connery said that Rowling and Collins, the last of their race, had been battling for a prize which, among other things, could've included an eternity of slavery and darkness had Collins won the duel. Now that Collins is dead, however, humanity is safe.

Rowling, back at home in Gloucestershire, appeared to be enjoying her hard fought prize of global telepathy, clairvoyance, and mortality. Eager to start another novel and begin living a normal life, Rowling basked in the glory of her victory over Collins.

"There can only be one," she sighed.

Stand-Alone Headline Tickers (Bounce Magazine Vol. 12 2011-12)

Issue 2

Eager student skips university day to attend class

Entire Geek Squad trampled in Black Friday rush at Best Buy

Medical report confirms that Amy Winehouse died of diabetes, public feels awkward

White guys with guitars take local open mic by storm

Student gains entire freshman fifteen over Thanksgiving

Issue 3

Kmart clerk uncertain whether Samuel L. Jackson actually wants to kill him or just acting

Pit Preacher just wants someone to love and hurl sexist epithets at

Obama sings Congress to sleep like a black Jigglypuff

Local band name only pretending to be edgy, unique

Gingrich surrenders, slithers back to dark, slimy hole

Jimmy Wales holds Wikipedia hostage, blackmails entire civilized world

Pregnant 17-year-old devastated she'll never be able to star on "16 and Pregnant"

Climate change: scientific phenomenon or global menopause?

Morgan Freeman typecast as "Morgan-Freeman type character"

Issue 4

Carrboro bulldozed to make space for world's biggest Whole Foods

UL librarians report casual late-night spooning epidemic

Obama starts wearing whiteface in new line of campaign ads, increases support among racists and mimes

Protesters sneak onto CVS property in dead of night to install sprinklers, repaint building




Boob-man Pretends to Prefer Asses to Avoid Persecution (Bounce Magazine Vol. 12 Issue 4 April 2012)


David Crinshaw is a 26-year-old man, and he is attracted to breasts. Breasts are what he loves, what he thinks about, and what he pines for. He is a boob-man. But since David was just 12 years old, he has had to hide who he really is to avoid the pain of constant bullying and persecution from his peers.

It all started in the locker room in 7th grade. As boys tend to do when they go through this time of growth and bodily development, they talked about girls; to be more specific, they talked about girl’s butts.

All of David’s peers would go on and on in the locker room, ranting and raving about those middle school female asses, but David realized pretty soon that he was different. He never really seemed to feel the same way as the other kids did when they talked about Mrs. Lancaster and the way her enormous posterior would tremble as she turned to slowly chalk the parts of speech onto the board. He was always preoccupied with her boobs.

David was worried and confused, but he slowly realized that he definitely preferred breasts. He considered telling his peers or his parents but he didn’t think they’d understand. Little boys tend to reject and ostracize what they don’t understand or whatever seems different than them, and David was deathly afraid of being picked on—or worse.

David didn’t completely repress this silent shame of his at first, however.  He would often stay after school for an hour in the afternoons and beg his parents to come get him, pretending he had missed the bus. This way he managed to avoid the inevitable discussion of womanly behinds that took place in the back of the bus, but more importantly, it allowed him to visit Mrs. Lancaster.

Straight to Mrs. Lancaster’s room David would go, prepared with a silly question about a sentence or a book report or just a random fact David had learned about sharks. Here he would spend his afternoons staring across the desk at his teacher’s breasts or peering up at her boobs as she helped him with homework. Here, David felt at home.

On one unfortunate afternoon, however, everything changed. It began like any other afternoon with the kind and intelligent Maggie Lancaster, but then something happened: Mrs. Lancaster dropped a paper on the floor and bent over to pick it up. Unable to resist the urgently pubescent temptation, David reached out and grabbed a boob.

Mrs. Lancaster gasped and stood up in shock, but David heard another sound at the door. It was a giggle of mischievous joy from his friend Seth, who had seen the whole thing.

That was the end of David’s afternoons with Mrs. Lancaster, but it was just the beginning of the suffering and torment. For months afterward, all of the boys would taunt him and laugh at him and call him names behind his back; he couldn’t even sit down at the lunch table without one of his former friends making a remark about how much David loves breasts.

David kept silent and suffered through all the cruelty that middle school boys are capable of: wedgies, insults, wet willies, and more. After that incident he put away that particular part of himself. He let the other boys forget about him for a while, and then he returned with what the other boys could only describe as a sudden fascination with asses.

He worked hard for years to fit in and protect himself from bullies and teasing, but at what cost? In repressing this integral part of himself, he constantly reminded himself of his secret shame. Over time he became more and more ashamed of who he really was, internalizing a bitter self-hatred that he is still fighting today, even as he begins the long process of leaving the closet.