Amid reports of a ghastly turtle-necked figure wandering through the forests of Southern California in the last couple of weeks, some local citizens expressed fear for a potential return of the Dark Lord to Silicon Valley.
A witness described the ghastly apparition "stalking through the forest like a dirty scavenger, neither dead nor alive, looking for carrion and leaving nothing but a deathly shadow in its wake." Another eyewitness account said the creature was "frighteningly innovative, hauntingly efficient and dreadfully well-dressed."
The Dark Lord died in early October of last year after unexpectedly succumbing to "The Tumor Which Lived." Always a controversial figure, He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named inspired admiration, even in his most outspoken opponents. Famed engineer Albus Percival Wulfric Steve Wozniak was once quoted as saying that the Dark Lord "would push software farther than it had ever gone before." Wozniak could not be reached for comment.
After the Dark Lord's death, his geeky and hipster-ish minions mourned the loss of their visionary and scattered into hiding. A few prominent Apple-Eaters briefly attempted to claim his legacy, and some never accepted that their master had truly fallen in the first place. Those that didn't go into hiding were fought off by FTC agents and the ever-diligent, albeit clunky and narrow-minded, Ministry of Microsoft.
Recent disappearances and freak accidents, however, have led to a growing concern that the Dark Lord is not gone for good, and that his reign of brilliantly engineered terror has only been temporarily forestalled.
One such incident that contributed heavily to this fear was the inexplicable death of young woman Tonya Puzzle in Palo Alto, California. Puzzle was found dead in her apartment, sitting on her leather designer couch as if posed for a picture. An eerie smile remained stretched across her face, and she held an iPad, gripped tightly at her chest.
The Ministry of Microsoft continues to deny that any of these events provide substantive evidence of the Dark Lord's return.
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