Actor Hayden Christensen, known for his roles in Star Wars Episode II and III as well as Jumper, is fairly certain that his entire acting career thus far has been nothing but an extensive and well-planned setup to a cruel practical joke.
Christensen, who began his career as the gay Canadian version of Malcolm in the Middle, rose from humble beginnings to make an excellent living as a moderately subpar film actor in Hollywood. Admittedly, Christensen has never really considered himself an actor.
"Acting has always been more of a hobby for me," he said matter-of-factly in a recent interview. "I'm not even very good."
Christensen says he went into shock the first time he realized he was paying his bills with acting. "It really doesn't make sense," he said when asked to explain this irrational phenomenon.
"Every time my agent would call me with another offer I wouldn't know what to say," Christensen said. "I kept checking online to see if there was some other Hayden Christensen that I was stealing roles from."
Failing to find any such person online, Christensen is now convinced that the last 19 years of his life have been a lie. "it's got to be a set-up," he confessed. Unable to grasp the reality of his life, Christensen firmly believes that he is just being featured on an abnormally long episode of Punk'd. "I keep expecting Ashton Kutcher to leap out of a dumpster and finally tell me that it's all been a huge joke."
"I'm ready for it to be over. I thought it was pretty funny for a while, but now it's just getting ridiculous and cruel," he said. "No one thinks it's funny anymore; you guys can come out now--seriously," he pleaded to no one in particular, eying a nearby hedge with suspicion.
Christensen only has a loose grasp on what is going on in his life, but there is one thing he knows for sure. "I feel horrible for what I did to Star Wars," he said, bitterly cursing Ashton Kutcher and MTV.
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