Famous British actor Russell Brand, 36, was mistaken for a flesh-eating zombie while strolling through the streets of downtown London Tuesday evening. He was subsequently beaten with a variety of blunt objects in an effort to prevent him from causing people any harm.
Brand was walking out of a local Starbucks in the West End when a particularly paranoid British teenager pointed and screamed that the zombie uprising was beginning. The teen immediately took action, hitting Brand over the head with a large steel shovel from a nearby construction site and loudly insisting that Brand was the animated remains of a corpse with a hunger for human brains.
According to eyewitnesses, Brand dropped his macchiato and cursed.
Other youths in the area then rallied to support their friend, gathering cricket bats and billy-clubs with the intention of stopping Brand's allegedly murderous and mindless rampage. Bewildered onlookers didn't know whether to come to Brand's aid or to attempt to light the soulless corpse on fire.
"I'm glad that those responsible teenagers took it upon themselves to give that foul zombie a good what-for," commented one anonymous onlooker. "It's right scary to think what could've happened if he'd gotten loose."
When asked for comment Brand only said, "Bloody hell, get the fuck off of me.
"Piss off you fucking twats," he added.
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