Waffle House
Franklin Street will have its very own Waffle House starting Thursday morning. The shiny new interior has been visible to passers-by for weeks, and we expect it to stay that way for just about one more before everything's hidden in a thick layer of grime, syrup, chili and urine. Ye Olde Waffle Shoppe is so unthreatened it's hilarious.
An Irish tussle
The 2013 G8 Summit was held in Northern Ireland this week, marking serious progress for the region long torn apart by political and religious sectarianism. Eight of the most powerful nations in the world got together to recognize this history by endlessly bickering among themselves. But at least Putin wasn't awkward this time.
Bipartisan speeds
A bill in the N.C. House would allow the state to raise speed limits on select roads to 75 mph. It passed the Senate in April 45-1, and it's expected to roll through the House at breakneck speeds, despite the few critics desperately pumping the brakes. We're a little concerned for safety, but we're mostly just excited to see bipartisan support.
First signs of life
Rep. Michael Burgess (R-Texas) wants to ban abortions at 15 weeks because he says he's seen male fetuses masturbating. So that's a natural male instinct, but female fetuses are prudes? Nope, no interpretive bias there! I don't know what's creepier, how long he must spend staring at sonograms, or what he thinks he sees in them.
Worming: The hot new craze
Most middle schools have more than their fair share of impressionable, gross and unabashedly horny adolescents. But now young Japanese students are putting typical teenage sexual shenanigans to shame.
Teachers were curious when they started seeing kids coming to school wearing eyepatches, which are used to hide infections, but they had no way of knowing what was really going on until they saw it in action.
The students call it "worming," or "eyeball licking," which pretty much removes any hint of subtlety or ambiguity about what exactly it is. It's just an innocent display of affection, but doctors say it puts kids at risk for problems like pinkeye or eye chlamydia. You heard me: eye chlamydia.
NOTED.
A 65-year-old woman in Seattle gave up on her attempt to live on water, air and sunlight alone after 47 days.
She says she'll never know if the pain and vomiting were a painful withdrawal from an irrational addiction to food or just slow starvation, but who's to say those aren't the same thing? Oh right, doctors.
QUOTED.
"Tired of voting for rats? Vote for a cat."
-- Sergio Chamorro of eastern Mexico nominated his cat, Morris, for local political office, inspiring a slew of other animal candidacies across Mexico. And while corruption may be less rampant here, Tina the Chicken does sound enticingly trustworthy.
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