Dirty American pigs
A Chinese corporation last week took over the world's largest pork company (based in Virginia, of course). There's probably some significant symbolism in there about the rising East forcibly buying out our filthy consumerist lifestyle, but I can't get past "China coming for American pork," which sounds like an epic, international porno.
SCOTUS says swab
The highest court in the country ruled this week that it's legal for police to take DNA samples of anyone they arrest, even without formal charges. Do we have a right to genetic privacy? The Court says it's no different than fingerprinting, but I'd like to hear Justice Alito say that again with a police officer's hand down his throat.
Carrboro up in arms
The Carrboro mayor and half the Board of Aldermen were arrested at the General Assembly protests Monday, meaning they had enough members present to hold a fully legitimate town meeting in the drunk tank. It also means we can honestly say Carrboro is run by miscreants, but they know we mean it in a good way.
Manning the man
The trial of military whistle-blower Bradley Manning started this week, and a lot is at stake, including the future of government opacity and freedom of speech on the internet, not to mention Manning's life. But at least the authorities are being open about such important proceedings -- oh wait that's right never mind no.
Oh, to be a baby once more
Haven't you always wanted to know what was so delicious about breast milk? Babies just can't get enough of it, right?
But there was never any way to find out without being a creep, pervert, sex criminal or all of the above -- until now.
Well, the creepy part is still arguable, but at least now it's legal. A candy company has created a line of breast milk lollipops in an attempt to harness the forgotten flavor. A case of four lollipops sells for $10.
The lollipops contain no actual breast milk (they're vegan) but they were directly inspired by real breast milk provided by real mothers. So rest assured -- no matter how weird you are for wanting one of these, you're still not as creepy as the "flavor specialists" who made the formula.
NOTED.
A Kentucky ad firm has started paying men with copious facial hair to carry advertisements in their beards.
It's opened the door to a whole new world of commercialism and human billboards! I'm going to take some initiative and shoot for a guerrilla advertising deal with my armpit hair -- wish me luck.
QUOTED.
"This particular cancer is caused by HPV, which actually comes about from cunnilingus."
-- The 68-year-old actor Michael Douglas blames oral sex for his throat cancer. Now somewhere in New Jersey a vengeful sex education teacher is waving a dental dam and saying, "I told you so."
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