Boob-man Pretends to Prefer Asses to Avoid Persecution (Bounce Magazine Vol. 12 Issue 4 April 2012)

David Crinshaw is a 26-year-old man, and he is attracted to breasts. Breasts are what he loves, what he thinks about, and what he pines for. He is a boob-man. But since David was just 12 years old, he has had to hide who he really is to avoid the pain of constant bullying and persecution from his peers.

It all started in the locker room in 7^th grade. As boys tend to do when they go through this time of growth and bodily development, they talked about girls; to be more specific, they talked about girl’s butts.

All of David’s peers would go on and on in the locker room, ranting and raving about those middle school female asses, but David realized pretty soon that he was different. He never really seemed to feel the same way as the other kids did when they talked about Mrs. Lancaster and the way her enormous posterior would tremble as she turned to slowly chalk the parts of speech onto the board. He was always preoccupied with her boobs.

David was worried and confused, but he slowly realized that he definitely preferred breasts. He considered telling his peers or his parents but he didn’t think they’d understand. Little boys tend to reject and ostracize what they don’t understand or whatever seems different than them, and David was deathly afraid of being picked on—or worse.

David didn’t completely repress this silent shame of his at first, however.  He would often stay after school for an hour in the afternoons and beg his parents to come get him, pretending he had missed the bus. This way he managed to avoid the inevitable discussion of womanly behinds that took place in the back of the bus, but more importantly, it allowed him to visit Mrs. Lancaster.

Straight to Mrs. Lancaster’s room David would go, prepared with a silly question about a sentence or a book report or just a random fact David had learned about sharks. Here he would spend his afternoons staring across the desk at his teacher’s breasts or peering up at her boobs as she helped him with homework. Here, David felt at home.

On one unfortunate afternoon, however, everything changed. It began like any other afternoon with the kind and intelligent Maggie Lancaster, but then something happened: Mrs. Lancaster dropped a paper on the floor and bent over to pick it up. Unable to resist the urgently pubescent temptation, David reached out and grabbed a boob.

Mrs. Lancaster gasped and stood up in shock, but David heard another sound at the door. It was a giggle of mischievous joy from his friend Seth, who had seen the whole thing.

That was the end of David’s afternoons with Mrs. Lancaster, but it was just the beginning of the suffering and torment. For months afterward, all of the boys would taunt him and laugh at him and call him names behind his back; he couldn’t even sit down at the lunch table without one of his former friends making a remark about how much David loves breasts.

David kept silent and suffered through all the cruelty that middle school boys are capable of: wedgies, insults, wet willies, and more. After that incident he put away that particular part of himself. He let the other boys forget about him for a while, and then he returned with what the other boys could only describe as a sudden fascination with asses.

He worked hard for years to fit in and protect himself from bullies and teasing, but at what cost? In repressing this integral part of himself, he constantly reminded himself of his secret shame. Over time he became more and more ashamed of who he really was, internalizing a bitter self-hatred that he is still fighting today, even as he begins the long process of leaving the closet.